American Pie Movie Quotes

American Pie Movie Quotes

This one time, at band camp

What's my name? Say my name, bitch!

I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.

Vicky: Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know even if he can't say if he does. And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's ok cause he's a guy, right?
Jessica: He's got a d**k, he's a guy.
Vicky: Right.
-Vicky, Jessica

Kevin: Hey Stifler, how's the pale ale?
Stifler: Fuck you!
-Kevin, Stifler

Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.

I say, why don't you guys locate your d**ks, remove the shrink wrap, and fuckking use them!

Suck me, beautiful.

Kevin: He's pullin' out the porn.
Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait 'til she leaves.
-Kevin, Finch

Party Goer#1: Dude that chick's a MILF!
Part Goer #2: What the hell is that?
Party Goer #1: M-I-L-F... Mom I'd Like to F**k!
-Party Goers

Ostreicher: You gotta ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.
-Ostreicher, Stifler

American Reunion Quotes

God bless the Internet.

If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.

Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged 18 years. The way I like it.
-Stifler's Mom, Finch

Stifler: Hey, Kev, seen shit break lately?
Kevin: Why? What did you do to him?
Stifler: Me? Nothing. I'm the one whose ass he kicked. But uh... I'll tell you one thing... I don't think he's gonna have a problem s**tting in school anymore. Slipped a little something into his Moccachino.
-Stifler, Kevin

I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of ... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud ... I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake like 5-6 times a day.
-Jim's Dad

We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.
-Jim's Dad

You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie. SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL!

I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.

No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!

Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
-Jim, Kevin, Ostreicher

I believe "shaved" is the expression.

Victoria: I want it to be the right time, the right place...
Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX.
-Vicky, Jessica

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