Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Quotes

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Quotes

Wait Vanessa, I can explain. You see, I was looking for Dr. Evil when the Fembots came out and smoke started coming out of their jomblies. So I started to work my mojo, to counter their mojo; we got cross-mojulation, and their heads started exploding.
-Austin

Yeah, baby, yeah
-Austin Powers

Quartermaster Clerk: One Swedish-made penis enlarger.
Austin Powers: (to Vanessa) That's not mine.
Quartermaster Clerk: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I'm telling ya baby, that's not mine.
Quartermaster Clerk: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
Quartermaster Clerk: One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby", by Austin Powers.
-Clerk, Austin

Austin Powers: Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?
Cowboy: Yeah, that's it! You show that turd who's boss.
-Austin, Cowboy

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins, and yet each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people DIE!
-Dr. Evil

Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967.
Austin Powers: No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
-Austin, Vanessa

That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!
-Austin

Austin Powers: No, you're right to be suspicious! I shagged her!
Vanessa Kensington: What?
Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
-Austin, Vanessa

Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him! I didn't see that one coming.
-Austin

You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!
-Dr. Evil

Finally, we come to my number two man. His name? Number Two.
-Dr. Evil

That's not your mother, it's a man, baby!
-Austin

Alotta Fagina: How dare you break wind before me.
Austin Powers: I'm sorry I didn't realize it was your turn.
-Austin, Alotta

Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
-Vanessa Kensington

Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?
-Dr. Evil

I won't bite... hard.
-Austin

 Funny Quotes

Austin Powers: Only two things scare me and one of them is nuclear war.
Basil Exposition: What's the other?
Austin Powers: Excuse me?
Basil Exposition: What's the other thing that scares you?
Austin Powers: Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.
-Basil, Austin

Vanessa Kensington: That's you in a nutshell.
Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"
-Vanessa Kensington, Austin

Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick!
-Austin

Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich.
-Austin Powers

I've been frozen for 30 years. I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.
-Austin Powers

Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!
-Austin Powers

Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes Mr. Powers? I designed them myself.
-Dr. Evil

Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whore's bath? Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a 'how's your father'!
-Austin Powers

I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!
-Scott Evil

She's the village bicycle! Everybody's had a ride.
-Austin Powers

Allow myself to introduce... myself.
-Austin

Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott Evil: You always do that!
-Scott, Dr. Evil

Scott Evil: I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me.
Therapist: He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
Dr. Evil: No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily, like his old man.
-Scott, Dr. Evil

Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
Austin Powers: Or sometimes not at all.
-Alotta, Austin

Austin Powers: Dr. Evil, do you really expect them to pay?
Dr. Evil: No, Mr. Powers. I expect them to die.
-Austin, Dr. Evil

Scott Evil: It's no hassle...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: All I'm say...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: There gonna get a...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm just...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: Would...
Dr. Evil: Sh!... Knock-knock.
Scott Evil: Who's there?
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.
-Scott, Dr. Evil

Does that make you HORNY?
-Austin

Ooo, Behave!
-Austin

My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife, Oprah.
-Austin

Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name.
-Austin

Pardon me for being rude, it was not me it was my food, it just popped up to say hello, but now it's gone back down below.
-Austin

Dr. Evil: I like to see girls of that... caliber.
Dr. Evil: By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters... Two meanings... caliber... it's a homonym... Forget it.
-Dr. Evil

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