Blazing Saddles Movie Quotes
Go do that voodoo that you do so well!
Hello, handsome, is that a ten-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the show?
Lili Von Shtupp
A wed wose. How womantic.
Lili Von Shtupp
I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.
[singing] Now is a time of great decision/Are we to stay or up and quit?/There's no avoiding this conclusion/Our town is turning into shit.
Badges? We don't need no stinking badges.
Bart: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'?
Elderly Woman: Up yours, nigger.
Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] I've been with thousands of men/again and again/they promise the moon/they're always coming and going and going and coming... and always too soon.
Lili Von Shtupp: [spoken] Right, girls?
Jim: Uh-oh, Bart. I think Mongo here's taken a liking to you.
Mongo: Huh-huh, naw, Mongo straight.
What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter"? You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.
Come on, boys! The way you're lollygaggin' around here with them picks and them shovels, you'd think it was a hundert an' twenty degree. Can't be more than a hundert an' fourteen.
I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin' bushwackin', hornswagglin' cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.
Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
Howard Johnson: [reading] As honorary chairman of the welcoming committee, it's my privilege to present a laurel and hearty handshake to our new...
[looks up and sees Bart]
Howard Johnson: ...nigger.
Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... and there I was, face-to-face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.
Well, don't just stand there looking stupid, grasping your hands in pain. How about a round of applause for The Waco Kid?
They lose me right after the bunker scene.
Men, you are about to embark on a great crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the west. Now you men will only be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.
Bart: I'm rapidly becoming a big underground success in this town.
Jim: See? In another twenty-five years, you'll be able to shake their hands in broad daylight.
I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots.
Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and that property: the rightful owners.
Bart: What's your name?
Jim: Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim.
Reporter: Sir, those are dummies.
Governor William J. Le Petomane: How do you think I got elected?
Where's my froggy?
Reverend Johnson: Order, order. Goddamnit, I said "order".
Howard Johnson: Y'know, Nietzsche says: "Out of chaos comes order."
Olson Johnson: Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard.
Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.
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Governor William J. Le Petomane: Thank you, Hedy, thank you
Hedley Lamarr: It's not *Hedy*, it's *Hedley*. Hedley Lamarr.
Governor William J. Le Petomane: What the hell are you worried about? This is 1874. You'll be able to sue *her*.
Well, raise my rent. You *are* The Kid.
[singing] Throw up your hands/Stick out your tush/Hands on your hips/Give 'em a push/You'll be surprised, you're doing the French Mistake/Voila!
Taggart: [on learning Bart is the new sheriff of Rock Ridge] Now if that don't beat all. Here we take the good time and trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West, and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff that's blacker than any Indian. I am depressed.
Lyle: Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir, but I sure do hate to see you like this. What if me and the boys was to shoot that nigger dead? Would that pep you up some?
Taggart: That might help.
"Blazing Saddles": He conquered fear, and he conquered hate, / He turned dark night into day, / He made his blazing saddle / A torch to light the way...
Sir, he specifically requested two "niggers". Well, to tell the family secret, my grandmother was Dutch.
[stomps in time to music on each word] Watch me, faggots!
[Bart is bidding farewell to the people of Rock Ridge]
Bart: Work here is done. I'm needed elsewhere now. I'm needed wherever outlaws rule the West, wherever innocent women and children are afraid to walk the streets, wherever a man cannot live in simple dignity, wherever a people cry out for justice.
Crowd: [in unison] BULLSHIT!
Bart: All right, you caught me. Speaking the plain truth is getting pretty damn dull around here.
Lyle: [after the farting] How 'bout some more beans, Mr. Taggart?
Taggart: [fans his hat in the air] I'd say you've had enough!
What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin' on here?
Let's face it. Evewything below the waist... is kaput!
Lilly von Schtupp
Now, come on, boys! Where's your spirit? I don't hear no singin'. When you was slaves, you sang like birds. Go on, how 'bout a good ol' nigger work song?
Vhy don't you admit it? He's too much of man for you. I know. You're going to need an army to beat him! You're finished. Fertig! Verfallen! Verlumpt! Verblunget! Verkackt!
Lili Von Shtupp
Charlie: Hey Bart, is it me or is the world rising?
Bart: I don't know, but whatever it is, I hate it.
Holy underwear! Sheriff murdered! Innocent women and children blown to bits! We have to protect our phoney baloney jobs here, gentlemen! We must do something about this immediately! Immediately! Immediately! Harrumph! Harrumph! Harrumph!
Governor William J. Le Petomane
Gentlemen, please rest your sphincters.
Elementary, cactus head.
Action! Oh, wait till I get out! Wait till I get out!
[Bart comes in after spending the night with Lili Von Stupp] Oh deary dear. Look what the cat dragged in.
[to Bart] What's a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?
Alright, I'm through being Mr. Goodbar, the time has come to act and act quickly.
We've gotta protect our phoney baloney jobs, gentlemen!
Governor William J. Le Petomane
[to Lili Von Stupp] Shut up, you Teutonic twat!
[hurrying through the movie theater, he stops at the concession stand] Raisinettes!
Reverend Johnson: [praying] O Lord, do we have the strength to carry off this mighty task in one night? Or are we just jerking off?
Hedley Lamarr: Wait a minute... there might be legal precedent. Of course! Land-snatching!
[grabs a law book]
Hedley Lamarr: Land, land... "Land: see Snatch."
[flips back several pages]
Hedley Lamarr: Ah, Haley vs. United States. Haley: 7, United States: nothing. You see, it can be done!
I love it when you talk dirty.
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