Due Date Movie Quotes

Due Date Movie Quotes

I got ninety friends on Facebook, twelve of them are pending, but I got ninety friends.
-Ethan

It's closing time, time to roll to Chilli's and chow down with my fuckin' boys.
-Lonnie

My father loved coffee, and now we loved him as coffee.
-Ethan

I have a photogenic memory.
-Ethan

If I miss the birth of my own child, I'm gonna choke you out with your own scarf. Wrap that thing 'round your head, and choke you out.
-Peter

I'm sorry I spat on your dog. I have no recollection of that.
-Peter

Peter: I didn't sleep last night. I'm gonna try now.
Ethan: Well you really should have masturbated, cuz I had a glorious orgasm and I slept like a baby.
-Peter, Ethan

Due Date Movie Quotes
step brothers quotes         hangover quotes

Peter: What is your real name?
Ethan: Ethan Chase, but it doesn't sound like an actor's name.
Peter: Ethan Chase sounds like the name of an actor. Ethan Tremblay doesn't make any goddamn sense. Okay? It's confusing. It sounds like it was made up.
-Peter, Ethan

Border Agent: Why are your eyes so glassy? You been partying?
Ethan: No, I have glaucoma.
Border Agent: What about the dog? Does he have glaucoma? His eyes are glassy too.
-Agent, Ethan

Peter: Why are your father's ashes in a coffee can?
Ethan: Because he's dead, Peter.
Peter, Ethan

Ethan: Holy Moses, it's like I'm traveling with a child!
Peter: Have you used the restroom?
Ethan: Good point, I need to take a pee-pee.
-Ethan, Peter

Peter: How have you made it this far? How have you not run yourself over in a car?
Ethan: I've done that.
-Peter, Ethan

Sarah: You love him, you now you love him.
Peter: I survived him. There's a difference.
-Sarah, Peter

Charlie: You got any more pot?
Ethan: Not for $9 an hour I don't... I mean, I don't know what you're talking about.
-Charlie, Ethan

Ethan: Did you call me over here to apologize?
Peter: What? Fuck You!
-Ethan, Peter

I just had the strangest dream. It's Friday. We're at the hospital. But it's not a hospital, it's a, a, a forest of sorts. And I know that because right next to you there's a bear. A grizzly, cooling his feet in a stream. And all of a sudden, you begin to deliver, and I can't get to you. But the bear can. And the next thing I know, he is holding out beautiful baby boy. And here's where it get odd. Uh, he chews the cord. But, strangely, I'm okay with it. That's gotta be a good sign.
-Peter

JK. LOL. HI. Hop in.
-Ethan

Ethan: Give me a scene.
Peter: Okay, I'm Julia Roberts. We are engaged to be married. You have terminal cancer. Break the news to me.
Ethan: Julia Roberts, as you know, we are engaged to be married. I have terminal cancer.
Peter: Awful, just awful. I didn't buy into that one bit.
Ethan: I thought that was really good.
-Ethan, Peter

Okay, if you are going to travel with we have to set a few ground rules. First off, no asking me any questions. Second, if you fall asleep for any reason other than that you are in a bed and it's nighttime, I will strangle you. Third, if you are allergic to waffles, don't eat them.
-Peter

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