Funny Alcohol Quotes

Funny Alcohol Quotes

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!

An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?

A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.

I drink to forget I drink.

Draft beer, not people.

Never cry over spilt milk.  It could've been whiskey.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean....

Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

I am awake, I might as well be drinking

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

I brews easily.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Funny Alcohol Quotes
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

In dog beers, I've only had one.

Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so let's all get wasted and have the time of our life.

Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.

Remember:  "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Prohibition may be a disputed theory, but none can say that it doesn’t hold water.

Beer, the reason I get up every afternoon.

If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi.

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

The worse you are at thinking, the better you are at drinking.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life's problems.

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt. 

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. 

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. 

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.

Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems. 

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on. 

I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.

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