Funny Birthday Quotes

Funny Birthday Quotes

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
-Johnny Vegas

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
-Mitch Hedberg

The party is on my birthday, June 21 - my 21st on the 21st, which is Midsummer's Day, the longest day of the year and the longest night for a lot of people who are helping to organize it. My father very kindly suggested having a party, although he's probably regretting it now.
-Prince William

I'm amazed. When I was 40, I thought I'd never make 50. And at 50 I thought the frosting on the cake would be 60. At 60, I was still going strong and enjoying everything.
-Gloria Stuart

It was my 16th birthday - my mom and dad gave me my Goya classical guitar that day. I sat down, wrote this song, and I just knew that that was the only thing I could ever really do - write songs and sing them to people.
-Stevie Nicks

The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.
-Bruce Barton

I've never looked forward to a birthday like I'm looking forward to my new daughter's birthday, because two days after that is when I can apply for reinstatement.
-Pete Rose

If you look over the years, the styles have changed - the clothes, the hair, the production, the approach to the songs. The icing to the cake has changed flavors. But if you really look at the cake itself, it's really the same.
-John Oates

In 1993 my birthday present was a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.
-Annette Funicello

It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.
-Ellen Glasgow

From now on Liam and I will share -- it's my birthday and his re-birthday I guess.
-Mark Dooley

Birthdays don't really matter much anymore ... for me, I sort of have a new birthday and that's October 2nd, the day I was diagnosed, ... the day we all sort of look to and mark these milestones by one year, two year, five year, 10 year. Hopefully, I have a 50 year.
-Lance Armstrong

You just invite people over for a surprise birthday party, but really it's a surprise wedding. The bride comes in, everyone yells 'surprise,' but she's in a wedding dress. Then somebody in the crowd that nobody's noticed comes up and starts to do the ceremony.
-Scott Shaw

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
-Sam Levenson

Most of us can remember a time when a birthday - especially if it was one's own - brightened the world as if a second sun has risen.
-Robert Lynd

Let them eat cake.
-Marie Antoinette

Except ye become as little children, except you can wake on your fiftieth birthday with the same forward-looking excitement and interest in life that you enjoyed when you were five, "ye cannot enter the kingdom of God." One must not only die daily, but every day we must be born again.
-Dorothy Sayers

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.
-Plautus

Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.
-Jean Paul

Presents don't really mean much to me. I don't want to sound mawkish, but - it was the realization that I have a great many people in my life who really love me, and who I really love.
-Gabriel Byrne

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once.
-E. Joseph Cossman

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.
-Brian Tracy

The main prank that we play with props is for people's birthdays. The special effects people will put a little explosive in the cake so it blows up in their face - that's always fun to play on a guest star, or one of the trainees or someone who's new.
-Catherine Bell

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
-Oprah Winfrey

The only thing better than singing is more singing.
-Ella Fitzgerald

The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.
-Samuel Johnson

The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday.
-Paris Hilton

Funny Birthday Quotes
50th Birthday Jokes          Anniversary Jokes          Father's Day Jokes

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
-Bob Hope

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
-Jerry Seinfeld

There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.
-Lewis Carroll

There is still no cure for the common birthday.
-John Glenn

Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult.
-C. S. Lewis

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.
-Art Buchwald

To me - old age is always ten years older than I am.
-John Burroughs

To my surprise, my 70s are nicer than my 60s and my 60s than my 50s, and I wouldn't wish my teens and 20s on my enemies.
-Lionel Blue

We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be.
-Lauren Hutton

We'll take the cake with the red cherry on top.
-Navjot Singh Sidhu

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
-Mary Schmich

Love the giver more than the gift.
-Brigham Young

Most of us can remember a time when a birthday - especially if it was one's own - brightened the world as if a second sun has risen.
-Robert Lynd

My biggest hero, Gregory Peck, was my birthday present on April 14, 1973. I just sat and stared at him.
-Loretta Lynn

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
-Jim Valvano

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
-Erma Bombeck

A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca

A gift, with a kind countenance, is a double present.
-Thomas Fuller

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.
-Kurt Vonnegut

All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.
-George Harrison

Being seventy is not a sin.
-Golda Meir

Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.
-Sammy Hagar

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
-Steven Wright

God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.
-Voltaire

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
-Doug Coupland

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
-Satchel Paige

I binge when I'm happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I'm at a birthday party.
-Kirstie Alley

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.
-Charles Lamb

I crashed my boyfriend's birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn't invite me and so I showed up.
-Isla Fisher

I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too.
-Liv Tyler

I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.
-Ruth Warrick

I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on. I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me, all wearing masks of my face.
-Stephen Hopkins

I hate birthdays.
-Zane Grey

Sing a song of Birthdays Full of fun and cheer And may you keep on having them For many a happy year.
-Unknown

I often buy myself presents. Sometimes I will spend $100,000 in one day in a posh boutique.
-Celine Dion

I quit high school on my birthday. It was my senior year and I didn't see the point. This was 1962, and I was ready to make music.
-Barry White

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