Funny Blonde Jokes

Funny Blonde Jokes

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q. What do you call a zit on a dumb blonde's ass?
A. A brain tumor.

Q. What do you get when you turn 3 dum blondes upside-down?
A. Two brunettes.

Q. What's the Blonde's cheer?
A. " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q. Why did the dumb blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A. To see what was on the other side.

Q. Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A. Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A. Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q. What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A. "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

Q. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A. A wine cellar.

Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on her.

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for french fries.

Q. Why don't blondes double recipes?
A. The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q. Why don't blondes breast feed?
A. Because they always burn their nipples.

Q. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A. Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q. Why do blondes hate M&Ms;?
A. They're too hard to peel.

Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q. How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A. You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A. From eating with forks.

Q. What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A. Reservations.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A. She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q. What is the difference between blondes and peanut butter?
A. Peanut butter is a pleasure to spread on bread and a blonde spreads for pleasure on a bed.                                 

Q. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A. All you can eat under a buck.

Q. What do blondes and turtles have in common?
A. When they are on their backs they are screwed.

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.         

Q. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A. The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q. How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A. She fell out of the tree.

Q. What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A. "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q. How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A. She threw it off a cliff.

Q. How does a blonde kill a fish?
A. She drowns it.

Q. How does a blonde kill a worm?
A. She buries it.       

Q. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A. Bigfoot has been sighted.

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747.

Q. Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A. She got cold and turned off the fan.

Q. Why did the blonde have square tits?
A. Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

Q. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A. Gifted!

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.

Q. What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A. An IN-body experience!

Q. What does a blonde and beer bottles have in common?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A. The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q. Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A. To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A. Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q. How do you get a blonde’s eyes to twinkle?
A. Shine a torch in her ears.

Q. What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A. Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

Q. How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A. Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q. Why do blondes take the pill?
A. So they know what day of the week it is.

Q. Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A. Because it kept falling out.

Q. Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A. They are both 10¢ a screw!

Q. Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A. She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q. Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A. Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q. Why did the dumb blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A. So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A. From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q. Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A. In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q. Why did God create blondes?
A. Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q. Why did God create brunettes?
A. Neither could the blondes.

Q. Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A. So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A. To turn the blinker off.

Q. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A. She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A. She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q. Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A. Because it kept falling out.

Q. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said from 2-4 years.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.;

Q. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A. She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q. What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A. Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q. What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A. A blond doing cartwheels.

Q. What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A. They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q. Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A. She missed the Earth!

Q. Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A. She blew it both times!

Q. How do you know when a blonde's been in your fridge?
A. Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q. What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A. All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A. About 2 cans of hair spray.

Q. What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A. Pick them up off the floor.

Q. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A. The vegetable garden.

Q. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A. One.

Q. What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?
A. Far-from-thinkin.

Q. Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A. Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q. What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A. 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

Q. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A. "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.

Q. What's a blonds' favorite rock group?
A. Air Supply.

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Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.;
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q. How is a dumb blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.

Q. Why do dumb blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice

Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.     

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.   Funny blonde jokes...

Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.

Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!                 

Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.  Good Dumb Blonde jokes... 

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.

Q. What do a mo-ped and a blond have in common?
A. They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A. The blonde works in the dark!

Q. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.

Q. What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."

Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A. Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q. What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A. They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q. Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A. Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q.  Why'd the blonde get fired from the M&M; factory?
A.  She kept throwing out all the W's.

Q.  How do blond brain cells die?
A.  Alone.

Q.  Five blondes are facing execution, a rocket scientist, a historian, a bimbo, and a mathematician.  They are each hit with one bullet but, only one bleeds, which one?    
A.  The bimbo, you have to be real to bleed.

Q. How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A. Wave

Q. What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A. They both have black roots.

Q. What does a blonde owl say?
A. What, what?

Q. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A. Because red means stop.

Q. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A. They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q. Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A. To put their feet through.

Q. What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."

Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A. Because everybody gets a turn.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A. You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A. You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A. They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q. How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A. By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q. How can you tell who a blonde’s boyfriend is?
A. He's the one with the belt buckle that matches the impression in her forehead.

Q. What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A. Her feet!

Q. What do blondes and cow-patties have in common?
A. They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

Q. What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A. Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q. Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1. Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?

Q. Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A. She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q. Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A. Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q. Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A. She liked to be filled with cream.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A. In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A. The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

Q. Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A. So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A. It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

Q. What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A. Their heels.

Q. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A. She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q. How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A. 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q. Why do blondes have vaginas?
A. So guys will talk to them at parties.

Q. What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A. They pull up their pants.

Q. Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A. Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q. What is 74 to a blonde?
A. 69 plus G.S.T.

Q. What happened to the blonde that was tap dancing?
A. She fell in the sink.

Q. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A. (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q. How do you kill a blonde?
A. Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q. How do blondes pierce their ears?
A. They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A. An interpreter.

Q. What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A. A mental block.

Q. What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning?
A. Pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A. They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q. What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A. A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. They both drip when they're fucked.

Q. How would a blond punctuate the following?. "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q. Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A. It swells at night.

Q. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A. The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

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