Funny Chuck Norris Jokes and Quotes

Funny Chuck Norris Jokes and Quotes

Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talkin' bout

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Declare Chuck Norris. Not War.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris doesn't hunt, he goes killing.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

Chuck Norris's dog picks up its own sh!t because Chuck Norris doesn't take sh!t from anybody.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris can walk faster than he can run.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin islands. Now there just the islands.

Chuck Norris won American Idol with sign language.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night.

There are 10 Million people in World of Warcraft, because Chuck Norris let them live.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

Chuck Norris was born on May 6th, 1945.  Nazi Germany surrendered on May 7th, 1945.  Coincidence?  I think not!

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