Funny College Quotes

Funny College Quotes

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

It was like a heart transplant. We tried to implant college in him but his head rejected it.

At best, most college presidents are running something that is somewhere between a faltering corporation and a hotel.

College is the best time of your life.  When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?

I have a degree in liberal arts.  Do you want fries with that?

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.

Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

I used to keep my college roommate from reading my personal mail by hiding it in her textbooks.

Life is my college. May I graduate well, and earn some honors!

The quality of a university is measured more by the kind of student it turns out than the kind it takes in.

At college age, you can tell who is best at taking tests and going to school, but you can't tell who the best people are. That worries the hell out of me.

I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.

No man should escape our colleges without knowing how little he knows.

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a college education, he may steal the whole railroad.

Americans are the only people in the world known to me whose status anxiety prompts them to advertise their college and university affiliations in the rear window of their automobiles.

Funny College Quotes
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Of course there's a lot of knowledge in colleges, the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think.

Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting a new coach.

I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.

I learned three important things in college - to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep at any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes.

A college education shows a man how little other people know.

One of the great mind destroyers of college education is the belief that if it's very complex, it's very profound.

College isn't the place to go for ideas.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

Definition of a College professor: someone who talks in other people's sleep.

Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or they didn't.

College is like a fountain of knowledge - and the students are there to drink.

College is the best time of your life.

I am often amazed at how much more capability and enthusiasm for science there is among elementary school youngsters than among college students.

The three major administrative problems on a campus are sex for the students, athletics for the alumni, and parking for the faculty.

You need to apply for student loans so you can go to college and get a good job to pay off your student loans.

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