Funny Jokes For Kids

Funny Jokes For Kids

What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
A: Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!

Who designed Noah's ark?
A: An ark-itect!

What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
A: The full moon because it's lighter!

What is the difference between a mosquito and fly?
A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito!

Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery?
A: So he could loaf around!

Why is Russia a very fast country?
A: Because the people are always Russian!

What is the fruitiest lesson?
A: History, because it's full of dates!

What language do they speak in Cuba?
A: Cubic!

Where do fish go on dates?
A: Dive in Movies!

What did they wear at the Boston Tea Party?
A: Tea Shirts!

Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
A: Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!

Why aren't you doing very well in history?
A: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!

What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A: A dinosnore!

Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pitstops during the race?
A: He was asking for directions!

Why are cats terrible storytellers?
A: They have only one tail!

You missed school yesterday didn't you?
A: Not very much!

Do you look in the mirror after you've washed your face?
A: No, I look in a towel!

What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead and I'll hang around!

Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: He was looking for pooh!

What do ants take when they are sick?
A: Ant-ibiotics!

Why can't elephants smoke?
A: The can't fit their butts in the ash tray!

How do flees get to school?
A: The school buzz!

What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea?
A: It gets wet!

What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had?
A: The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had!

When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?
A: When the door is open!

I'd tell you another joke about a pencil.
A: But it doesn't have any point!

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
A:Lots of blood tests!

What do you call a chicken with a sunburn?
A: A friend Chicken.

Why was the glow worm unhappy?
A: Because her children weren't that bright!

What do you call a rooster that crows every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!

When do astronauts eat?
A: At launch time!

What do you call an ant in space?
A: An Antronaut!

What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
A: The juve-niles!

What city cheats at exams?
A: Peking!

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make both ends meet!

What kind of phone does the ocean have?
A: A Shell phone!

What has forty feet and sings?
A:The school choir!

Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A: Sir Circumference!

Quotes for teens           All Jokes


What do you call an arctic cow?
A: An eskimoo!

Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
A: Because frost bites!

What is the best hand to write with?
A: Neither - it's best to write with a pen!

Why did Arthur have a round table?
A: So no one could corner him!

How did the Vikings send secret messages?
A: By norse code!

Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!

Where did knights learn to kill dragons?
A: At knight school!

What kind of ship doesn't sink?
A: Friend-Ship!

Where did the duck go when he was sick?
A: To the Ducktor!

What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old?
A: A year older on his birthday!

What kind of hair do oceans have?
A: Wavy!

Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!

What's it called when a cat sues another cat?
A: A claw suit!

What do cats like on hot dogs?
A: Mouse-stard!

If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
A: Nine!

What did you learn in school today?
A: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!

What did the computer do at lunchtime?
A: Had a byte!

What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground Beef

Where are chickens born?
A: In Chick-ago

Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
A: At the bottom!

What kinds of tests do they give witches?
A: Hex-aminations!

What bird is good at making bread?
A: A Dough Dough Bird!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
A: He couldn't control his pupils!

What do ducks do when they hear a joke?
A: Quack Up!

What are you going to be when you get out of school?
A: An old man!

What's an insect's favourite sport?
A: Cricket!

What part of the fish weighs the most?
A: The Scales

What does a cat read?
A: Cat-alogs!

What was Camelot?
A: A place where people parked their camels!

what do you call a cow who just had a calf?
A: De-calf-enated!

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
A: Dates!

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A: Because his class was so bright!

If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
A:None, they were all copycats!

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
A: With a pair of Caesars!

Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
A: Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else!

Why did birds fly south for the winter?
A: It's to far to walk!

Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
A:The second one!

What type of party do fleas have?
A: Flea-Estas!

What do you call ham that your really want?
A:Pork-you-Pine

What is a cat's favorite sogn?
A: Three Bling Mice!

What kind of cat goes bowling?
A: An alley cat!

What do you call a cow who can't give milk?
A: An udder failure!

Why is Alabama the smartest state in the USA?
A: Because it has 4 A's and one B!

Who invented fire?
A: Some bright spark!

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights!

Why does history keep repeating itself?
A:Because we weren't listening the first time!

Follow Funny Quotes Today on Facebook and Twitter for the Quote of the day.