Funny Jokes For Kids
What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
A: Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!
Who designed Noah's ark?
A: An ark-itect!
What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
A: The full moon because it's lighter!
What is the difference between a mosquito and fly?
A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito!
Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery?
A: So he could loaf around!
Why is Russia a very fast country?
A: Because the people are always Russian!
What is the fruitiest lesson?
A: History, because it's full of dates!
What language do they speak in Cuba?
Where do fish go on dates?
A: Dive in Movies!
What did they wear at the Boston Tea Party?
A: Tea Shirts!
Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
A: Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!
Why aren't you doing very well in history?
A: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A: A dinosnore!
Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pitstops during the race?
A: He was asking for directions!
Why are cats terrible storytellers?
A: They have only one tail!
You missed school yesterday didn't you?
A: Not very much!
Do you look in the mirror after you've washed your face?
A: No, I look in a towel!
What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: He was looking for pooh!
What do ants take when they are sick?
Why can't elephants smoke?
A: The can't fit their butts in the ash tray!
How do flees get to school?
A: The school buzz!
What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea?
A: It gets wet!
What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had?
A: The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had!
When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?
A: When the door is open!
I'd tell you another joke about a pencil.
A: But it doesn't have any point!
What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
A:Lots of blood tests!
What do you call a chicken with a sunburn?
A: A friend Chicken.
Why was the glow worm unhappy?
A: Because her children weren't that bright!
What do you call a rooster that crows every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!
When do astronauts eat?
A: At launch time!
What do you call an ant in space?
A: An Antronaut!
What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
A: The juve-niles!
What city cheats at exams?
Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make both ends meet!
What kind of phone does the ocean have?
A: A Shell phone!
What has forty feet and sings?
A:The school choir!
Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A: Sir Circumference!
Quotes for teens All Jokes
What do you call an arctic cow?
A: An eskimoo!
Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
A: Because frost bites!
What is the best hand to write with?
A: Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
A: So no one could corner him!
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
A: By norse code!
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!
Where did knights learn to kill dragons?
A: At knight school!
What kind of ship doesn't sink?
Where did the duck go when he was sick?
A: To the Ducktor!
What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old?
A: A year older on his birthday!
What kind of hair do oceans have?
Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!
What's it called when a cat sues another cat?
A: A claw suit!
What do cats like on hot dogs?
If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
What did you learn in school today?
A: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
What did the computer do at lunchtime?
A: Had a byte!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground Beef
Where are chickens born?
A: In Chick-ago
Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
A: At the bottom!
What kinds of tests do they give witches?
What bird is good at making bread?
A: A Dough Dough Bird!
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
A: He couldn't control his pupils!
What do ducks do when they hear a joke?
A: Quack Up!
What are you going to be when you get out of school?
A: An old man!
What's an insect's favourite sport?
What part of the fish weighs the most?
A: The Scales
What does a cat read?
What was Camelot?
A: A place where people parked their camels!
what do you call a cow who just had a calf?
What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A: Because his class was so bright!
If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
A:None, they were all copycats!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
A: With a pair of Caesars!
Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
A: Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else!
Why did birds fly south for the winter?
A: It's to far to walk!
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
A:The second one!
What type of party do fleas have?
What do you call ham that your really want?
What is a cat's favorite sogn?
A: Three Bling Mice!
What kind of cat goes bowling?
A: An alley cat!
What do you call a cow who can't give milk?
A: An udder failure!
Why is Alabama the smartest state in the USA?
A: Because it has 4 A's and one B!
Who invented fire?
A: Some bright spark!
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights!
Why does history keep repeating itself?
A:Because we weren't listening the first time!
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