Funny Political Quotes

Funny Political Quotes

If you can't convince them, confuse them.
-Harry S. Truman

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.
-Unknown

Nothing is impossible until it is sent to a committee.
-Unknown

He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
-Unknown

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
-Mayor Marion Barry

'If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim.
-Lyndon Johnson

You know nothing for sure...except the fact that you know nothing for sure.
-President John Kennedy

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
-Ambrose Bierce

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
-Will Rogers

If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome.
-Barack Obama

For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks.
-George Bush, Sr.

She's a wonderful, wonderful person, and we're looking to a happy and wonderful night — ah, life.
-Sen. Ted Kennedy

Our intent will not be to create gridlock. Oh, except maybe from time to time.
-Bob Dole

If ignorance goes to forty dollars a barrel, I want drilling rights to George Bush's head.
-Jim Hightower

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
-Marion Barry

What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?
-Marion Barry

They don't call me Tyrannosaurus Sex for nothing.
-Ted Kennedy
Funny Quotes             Funny Jokes


In a recent fire Bob Dole's library burned down. Both books were lost. And he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.
-Jack Kemp

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
-Groucho Marx

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason."


Politics, noun. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
-Ambrose Bierce

The Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller, and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then get elected and prove it.
-P.J. O'Rourke

The enemy isn’t conservatism. The enemy isn’t liberalism. The enemy is bullshit."
-Lars-Erik Nelson

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?'
-Abraham Lincoln

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
-Ambrose Bierce

Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?...I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'
—George Bush, Sr.

Please don't ask me to do that which I've just said I'm not going to do, because you're burning up time. The meter is running through the sand on you, and I am now filibustering.
-George Bush, Sr.

I am not one who — who flamboyantly believes in throwing a lot of words around.
-George Bush, Sr.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
-Mark Twain

Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening.
-Bill Clinton

There are lots more people in the House. I don't know exactly — I've never counted, but at least a couple hundred."
-Dan Quayle

The attractive lady whom I had only recently been introduced to dropped into my lap....I chose not to dump her off."
-Gary Hart

None of what Barack Obama is doing or wants to do to this country is anything the rest of the world hasn't seen before and already failed at.
-Rush Limbaugh

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
-Groucho Marx

Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.
-Dick Gregory

One of my movies was called 'True Lies.' It's what the Democrats should have called their convention.
-Arnold Schwarzenegger

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