Funny Quotes About Men

Funny Quotes About Men

The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.

Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.

Men are easy to get but hard to keep.

Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.

Don't accept rides from strange men - and remember that all men are as strange as hell.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Guys are like roses.  You've got to watch out for the pricks.

Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.

Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

My theory is that men are no more liberated than women.

Men aren't necessities. They're luxuries.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

Men want a woman whom they can turn on and off like a light switch.

I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”….pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.

There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle.

The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.

Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

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You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they’re both on fire – they’re exactly alike.

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

Women were created for a reason, to keep men sane.

Men are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone.

There's a difference between beauty and charm.  A beautiful woman is one I notice.  A charming woman is one who notices me.

As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!

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