Life's Too Short Quotes

Life's Too Short Quotes

Episode 1

You're a dwarf, how do you not know Heigh-Ho Heigh-Ho?
-Warwick Davis

I'm a bit like Martin Luther King, because I too have a dream, that one day dwarves will be treated equally.
-Warwick Davis

Sue had to lose a lot of weight to get it on, not as much as I woulda liked, but enough to get a dead woman's dress on.
-Warwick Davis

If you were to say like your name is like Verne Troyer I'd be like boom Mini Me, Austin Powers, sex tape.
-Guy on the street

(Warwick is asking for divorce advice.)
Ricky: My advice would be to ask Steve because he's great with that sort of thing.
Stephen: My advice would be just to umm, do whatever you think is the right thing to do in this situation.
Ricky: What good advice that is.
-Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant

I've got two pets that are related to each other, they're dogs, but we sorta call them different things.  They've got names.
-Cheryl

I've got a few more people to see.  Actually there's nobody else to see, you're hired.
-Warwick

(to the dwarves)
I didn't even know one of you was a girl.
-Warwick 

You notice this list, I'm always making lists, In fact that's probably why Steven Spielberg casted me as Oscar Schindle in Schindler's List.  I said Steven I make lists all the time, and he said that's exactly what I was looking for.
-Liam Neeson

Doing Improve
Liam Neeson: I've contracted aids.
Ricky Gervais: How'd you get that.
Liam Neeson: From an African prostitute.
-Liam Neeson, Ricky Gervais


 
Episode 2

I have to charge everyone the same or it wouldn't be fair, plus how do I know he has a tumor?
-Warwick 

Guy in line: I've got a tumor.
Warwick: No you haven't 
Guy in line: No not a tumor, I meant Aides.
Warwick: You haven't got aides.
Guy in line: Haven't I?
Warwick: No, because to get aides you have to have had sex at least once.
Guy in line: Good point.
-Guy in line, Warwick

I've got a great Star Wars anecdote about a certain cast member who asked me to smuggle cocaine for her through LAX airport, because she said there's not a customs officer in the world who wants to stick their finger up a dwarves ass.
-Warwick

Been here three years, still doing shitty little interviews with nobody's.
-Interviewer

Don't set me up with a person like Jennifer Aniston and then have nothing.
-Interviewer

 So your business idea is you shoving me up a chimney?
-Warwick

(suggesting a job for Warwick)
You could be used as bait to catch pedifiles.
-Cheryl

He's kinda like a grub, coming out of an apple, seeing the world for the first time.
-Johnny Depp (About Warwick)

Just doing another film that's gonna make loads of money, probably gonna make more money than any film you've ever made.
-Johnny Depp (to Ricky Gervais)

 No one makes fun of Tim Allen on my watch and gets away with it.
-Johnny Depp

Q: Why did Ricky Gervais do a series of audio books?
A: So the Blind could hate him as well.
-Johnny Depp

I'm Warwick the other best man, I'm gonna keep this speech short, like myself.
-Warwick

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