Workaholics Quotes

Workaholics Quotes

Seasons 1 & 2 Below   Season 3 Quotes

That's real loose butthole.
-Adam DeMamp

Let's get weeeeird.
-Adam DeMamp

The nipple of your dreams is actually my nipple of your nightmares.
-Adam DeMamp (to Anders)

Just gettin swole with it BROOTHA.
-Adam DeMamp

See Marky Mark's look, very tight butthole, but your look is the loosest butthole I've ever seen.
-Adam DeMamp

Have you seen these lips?  Have you enjoyed the presence of me eating a kielbasa? It's redonk.
-Adam DeMamp

How are we gonna find clean piss when everyone over the age of 12 smokes weed these days?

Alice, feel better, and take it sleezy.  That's a thing I'm saying now.
-Adam DeMamp

(shoots tire out in slow motion)
-Adam DeMamp

It is that big, deal with it, I've got an Ed Helms.
-Adam DeMamp

Rock a jock 10 point shot. Ahhhh, sorry about that,  Dan Cortese woulda made that.
-Adam DeMamp

Kelsey Neederdepi dude, third love of my life.
-Adam DeMamp

I'm sick of beautiful people who don't have to work for their beauty, when I'm over here sweatin my balls off for all this beauty.
-Adam DeMamp

-Adam DeMamp

Does she have the build to birth me my olympic triathlete son? No, not with those giant cans and tapered waste. I'm sorry it's just not gonna happen.
-Anders Holmvik

Is someone there?  Listen I'm armed and I've got aids.
-Anders Holmvik (can't see because of his onesie)

Ohhh she just made her butthole blink.
-Anders Holmvik

(walks into the library)
DANG, What's up with all these books?
-Anders Holmvik

Hey dick, how often are you jacking off on my laptop?
-Anders to Adam

Guess who I voted for in 2000, Bush.  My favorite band, Pubic Enemy.
-Jillian Belk

I need a hot as baaaallls male model.
-Alice Murphy

Yea look, I'm gonna have to let you go, someone just dropped three turds off in my office.
-Alice on the phone

(Adam and Anders about to fight)
Ok hold the phone, you are fully torqued bro.
-Blake Henderson

What are you doing Adam, Do you even know how many people go blind from pizza shrapnel?
-Blake Henderson (confuses piece of shrapnel with pizza shrapnel)

Who is ready for the night at the museum of tollerence of alcohol?
-Blake Henderson

Workaholics TV Show Quotes

Oh ok, here's the bigger problem, underneath your keyboard here you've got quite a lot of dry semen.
-Computer Guy

Sorry guys, bros before hoes, but you know, lil bros before big bros.

-Adam, Blake, Anders (Think that is the password to get their passport)

Blake: Totally sober for a week, whata you guys say?
Adam:  This is me sayings yes. (Makes a bitter beer face)
-Blake, Adam

Adam: Guys, I can't go to Hedonism, I'm not gonna have a good time, I won't get laid.
Anders: What why?
Adam:  BECAUSE MY DICK FELL OFF!! (Shows his mangina)
-Adam, Anders

Blake: What's the absolute least amount of money you could get paid to blow a guy?
Adam: If I'm honest with myself, I'd have to say 900 dollars.
-Blake, Adam

Blake:  Oh no, I'm not wearing underwear, what happens when I prejaculate.
Anders: No one is going to pre ok?
Blake: I always do.
-Blake, Anders

Anders:  What is that, it's not beer?
Adam: No it's whiskey.  I watered it down though.......with beer.
-Anders, Adam

Anders: We drank like a weird amount, but it'd be weirder to stop.
Adam:  Yea that'd be weird.
Blake: Strait edge people are weird.
-Anders, Adam, Blake

Anders: It isn't genuis, you don't have any formal education.
Karl: At least I'm wearing camel flage.
Anders: Camel Flage??
-Anders, Karl

Adam: Take a walk Ders, I don't wanna have to kick your ass.
Anders: Ok Adam, this is so dumb, I'd like to get to this photo shoot on time, try being a pacifist.
Adam: Oh I'll be a pacifist, I'll pass my fist through your face.
-Adam, Anders

Anders:  Hey can we get a picture together?
Topher: Yea, if you don't mind if I take a piss off your roof first.
Adam: I would mind if you didn't take a piss off our roof.
-Anders, Topher, Adam

Follow Funny Quotes Today on Facebook and Twitter for the Quote of the day.