2 Broke Girls Quotes

2 Broke Girls Quotes

Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallots snap harder than Kim Kardashians legs after the wedding check cleard.
-Max

You're not my type anyway! You're a bartender who's close to liquor all night, and you're not an alcoholic. So, clearly, you don't know how to seize an opportunity.
-Max

Yea that's snow when you're rich! The only snow angels you'll see this year, are the six crack addicts frozen to our stoop.
-Max

So what's the plan? What are we gonna do if it does snow? You're so white, I'm worried weĆ­re gonna lose you.
-Max

Hey when you get a second, stop looking at my boobs.
-Max to Oleg

I'm sorry I wasn't listening. I was staring at my new boyfriend over there. I want to make out with it!
-Max

Whatever that is, it does not belong in this diner, it belongs in a show on Bravo.
-Max about Caroline

This can't be about my drinking. I don't have the money to be a real alcoholic.
-Max

No hipster, do not think we are on the same team, I wear knit hats when it's cold out, you wear knit hats because of Cold Play.
-Max

Trust me, you could use a little salsa in your white rice.
-Max

Call him right now! He can't come over here. Look around. I have his napkins hanging up everywhere, he'll think I'm Dexter!
-Max

I only have two switches in my life, one turns off my emotions, one makes a car bounce.
-Max

Giving in to feelings is for rich people! Regular people just have to get up, get drunk, and go fulfill their babysitting duties.
-Max

(About singing happy birthday)
If we wanna humiliate her in public why don't we go over there and pull her top down.
-Max

And then I kissed his beautiful girlfriend, who's black and British. The two cool things I can never be.
-Max

(dressed as an elf)
How do I look, because I kinda feel like I look like a North Pole dancer?
-Max

Why are we throwing fire at an oven? Is this a poor people game?
-Caroline

Where did you get the idea that I only date white guys? For your information, I once had a Spaniard in Monte Carlo.
-Caroline

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I smiled, and bent over backwards giving them service all for a dollar and forty-seven cents? This makes me the lowest paid hooker in New York.
-Caroline

You just gave me a compliment? I knew it, you're depressed!
-Caroline

I've recently lost all my money and the promise of a bright future, and I've organized that in a file in my head labeled "Do not open until you are stronger".
-Caroline

Do not tell me what to do. I was working here when you were still a dumpling on your father's chopstick.
-Oleg

You look so beautiful I forgot how bad your personality is.
-Oleg

Max:  Sister you may think sex is the last thing on your mind, but you turned your bed into a vagina.
Caroline:  Do you think my vagina has curtains?
Max: I dunno how long it's been.
-Caroline, Max

Caroline: It's the new trend. Mini stores pop up and sell stuff, and then they're gone.
Max: Trend? Drug dealers have been doing that for years!
-Caroline, Max

Peach: Max remind me, what's my twitter password.
Max: twitterpassword
Peach: Yes!
-Peach, Max

Caroline:  Are you ok?  I heard you crying last night.
Max:  I don't cry, I sold my tear ducts to an organ bank for cash two years ago.
-Caroline, Max

Caroline: You need to react when people cry.
Max: I did, I rolled my eyes.
-Caroline, Max

Max: Whoa, did you just ask me to marry you?
Caroline: You could do worse
-Caroline, Max

Max: I can't believe you put the platypus footrest in the trash!
Caroline: I'm gonna tell you this one more time. It's a possum and it died three to six years ago.
-Caroline, Max

Caroline:  Max it's time to teach me how to bake
Max: Ok, but first I have to go get baked.
-Caroline, Max

Caroline: Max, I'm not doing cocaine.
Max: If we could afford cocaine, we could afford a mixer!
-Caroline, Max

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