Big Bang Theory Quotes

Big Bang Theory Quotes

Oh, here's a fun fact! Ketchup started out as a general term for sauce, typically made of mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean, and grape.
-Sheldon

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "for you, no charge
-Sheldon

Sheldon: They also took Glen.
Leonard: No, not Glen.
Sheldon: Yes, the only bird that I ever loved.
-Sheldon, Leonard

The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense. Let's say that I go out and I spend 50 dollars on you. It's a laborious activity because I have to imagine what you need whereas you know what you need. Now I could simplify things, just give you the 50 dollars directly and then you could give me 50 dollars on my birthday and so on; until one of us dies leaving the other one old and 50 dollar richer and I ask you is, it worth it?
-Sheldon

Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: You may wanna sit down.
Leonard: I'm in bed!
Sheldon: Point taken. You may wanna sit up.
-Leonard, Sheldon

How wonderful, dinner with some assembly required.
-Sheldon

Could we focus on what's important here? I lost a bet to Wolowitz!
-Sheldon

Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Leonard: I live here.
Sheldon: I have paperwork that says differently.
-Sheldon, Leonard

I have a Masters degree and two Doctorates. The things I *should* know, I do know.
-Sheldon

Leonard: Most people don't sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fiber content.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times.
-Leonard, Sheldon

Okay, then, riddle me this: Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite, hot, 17-year old killer robot?
-Sheldon

It's a shame our society mocks the differently uvulated.
-Sheldon

There's always a chance that alcohol and poor judgment on her part may lead to a wonderful evening.
-Sheldon

Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing anyone has ever said to me!
-Sheldon

I am the master of my own bladder.
-Sheldon

What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?
-Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, could I ask you a question?
Sheldon: I would prefer that you not, but I wouldn't go so far as to forbid it.
-Penny, Sheldon

Oh Gravity, thou art a heartless b*tch.
-Sheldon

Good morning everyone and welcome to "Science and Society". I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, BS, MS, MA, PhD and ScD. OMG, right?
-Sheldon

Penny: So, how've you been?
Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
-Penny, Sheldon

Leonard: You are not Isaac Newton.
Sheldon: No, no, that's true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple.
-Leonard, Sheldon

I believe you were about to ask me to choose a cocktail. Fortunately, thanks to computer-savvy alcoholics, there's an app for that.
-Sheldon

Good Lord how you frustrate me Leonard Hofstadter!
-Sheldon

Wolowitz: You said you were going for a walk.
Sheldon: I didn't say outside.
-Wolowitz, Sheldon

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed.
Leonard: There you go.
-Leonard, Sheldon

Leonard: Have you considered telling her how you feel?
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie!
-Leonard, Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon have you changed your wireless password?
Sheldon: It's "Penny get own WiFi"; no spaces.
-Penny, Sheldon

Stephanie: Where did you get the stethoscope and the blood pressure cuff?
Sheldon: My aunt Marion gave them to me for my 12th birthday. She thought if I failed at theoretical physics that I should have a trade to fall back on.
-Stephanie, Sheldon

Penny: I give up. He's impossible!
Sheldon: I can't be impossible; I exist! I think what you meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'.
-Penny, Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, Penny! Penny!
Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.
-Sheldon, Penny

According to the Roommate Agreement, Paragraph 9, Subsection B: The right to bathroom privacy is suspended in the event of force majeure, and believe me, I am experiencing a very majeure force!
-Sheldon

Penny: What do you mean 'new roommate'? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: Same thing that happened to 'Homo Erectus'. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town...
-Penny, Sheldon, Raj

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEATON!
-Sheldon

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
-Sheldon, Penny

Score 1 for liquor and poor judgement.
-Sheldon

Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
-Penny, Sheldon

(Sheldon trying to figure out the card-trick)
Penny: No big deal. Not knowing is part of the fun!
Sheldon: (Imitating Penny) 'Not knowing is part of the fun.' Was that the motto of your community college?
-Penny, Sheldon

Not only that Sheldon saved my life, but that he didn't report me to the landlord, or the police, or homeland security!
-Leonard

Penny: No, I can't. Sheldon, honey, I don't want things to be weird between us.
Sheldon: Won't it also be 'weird' if I have to say hello to you every morning on my way to work and you're living in a refrigerator box and washing your hair with rainwater?
-Penny, Sheldon

Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
-Sheldon, Leonard

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