Cheers TV Show Quotes

Cheers TV Show Quotes

Sam: If I win, I get to go bed with you.
Rebecca: What do I get if I win?
Sam: YOU get to go bed with ME.
-Sam, Rebecca

Norm: Hey, Frasier, you're a doctor. What happens to old, dead skin?
Frasier: Apparently it sits on barstools and drinks beer all day.
-Norm, Frasier

Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me, what color is the sky in your world?

Time to rap about a controversy / Gonna take a stand, won't show no mercy / Lotta folks says jocks shouldn't be / Doing the sports new on TV / I don't wanna hear the latest scores / From a bunch broadcast school boys / So get your scores from a guy like me / Who knows what it's like to have a groin injury. G-g-groin, g-g-groin injury.

Woody: What do you say to a cold one, Norm?
Norm: See you later, Vera; I'm going to Cheers.
-Woody, Norm

You know, on the way over, I decided to listen to a rock station to get into the mood. And I heard a line in one of those tribal passages that I thought was the keynote for this evening. "Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight."

Rebecca: [after Sam winks at her] Mr. Malone, are you developing a tic?
Sam: No, that was a wink.
Rebecca: Oh, then you're developing into a tick.
-Rebecca, Sam

You know, Norm, you've been coming in here a long time. Look at the first entry, "skinny guy at the end of the bar".

Frasier: I'll simply imagine the worst thing you could possibly tell me, and whatever your news is will pale by comparison.
Lilith: This afternoon in a moment of extreme weakness, I cheated on you.
-Frasier, Lilith

Why would an actress leave in the middle of a successful series?

Woody: Kelly's coming back from Europe today.
Frasier: Ah, she's hopping the pond.
Woody: What?
Frasier: Well, the pond. It's a reference to the Atlantic.
Woody: Why, Dr. Crane. The Atlantic is an ocean. How many of those have you had?
Frasier: Apparently, not enough.
-Woody, Frasier

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these - it might have been.

Diane: Do I beg men to fall in love with me?
Sam: I hope not. I like to think I was special.
-Diane, Same

We can put man on the moon but can't put metal in the microwave.

Oh, joy, Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee-deep in tinsel and wrapping paper will utter those heartfelt words, 'Is this all I got?'

I lost my dream job, and when I walked out of that House of Pancakes, I felt two inches tall.

Cliff: If I wasn't wearing this uniform, I'd ask you to step outside.
Norm: If you weren't wearing that uniform, we'd all step outside.
-Cliff, Norm

Norm: [referring to Vera lunching with the wives of his bosses] She just didn't pass muster.
Woody: Well maybe she couldn't reach it.
-Norm, Woody

Woody, next time you order beer, be more specific than "lots".

Did I ever tell you kids about the first Thanksgiving? It took place between the ancient Egyptains and aliens from a distant galaxy.

[after burning down the bar]
Hey Sam, speaking of bars burning down, guess what I did?

Coach: How you doing, Norm?
Norm: Coach, I'm on top of the world... it's a dismal spot in Greenland somewhere.
-Coach, Norm

Carla: I've got it! I've got it!
Diane: What, you've actually managed to conjure up something besides yet ANOTHER illegitimate child?
Carla: Ooooh, a completely unprovoked personal attack... I like it!
-Carla, Diane

Oh, now why would I want to miss this? Yet another episode of "The Young and the Chestless"?

Sam: You know, you've made my life a living hell.
Diane: Nobody said it would be easy.
-Sam, Diane

Carla: Where's Diane?
Sam: Oh, she's out at an interview to be a T.A. at some college.
Carla: She'll never get it. She's a big "A" with no "T"'s.
-Carla, Sam

Cliff: I have impossibly high standards for a woman.
Norm: Yeah, she has to like you.
-Cliff, Norm

Woody: What's up?
Norm: The warranty on my liver.
-Woody, Norm

Sam: You drinking again?
Rebecca: Certainly not. I never stopped.
-Sam, Rebecca

How would the Civil War had changed if Abraham Lincoln had octopus tentacles instead of a beard?

Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Carla: I have five kids.
Dr. Bennett Ludlow: Five?
Carla: Well, five and counting. You're gonna be a father.
-Carla, Dr. Bennett

Next to Sammy's life, my life has always appeared dull. Then again, next to a barnacle's life, my life has always appeared dull.

Woody: Jack Frost nipping at your toes, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Yeah, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.
-Woody, Norm

It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear.

All right, let's review. Last night, I got knee walking drunk and now I am back this bar a mere seven and a half hours later, hung over... well, it's official. I have a problem.

Sam, I had the most incredible evening. Last night, I dreamed about something - not Diane. Well, she was in the background chattering on about something, naked, but the important thing is, I was a therapist again.

Norm: I wish I had time for a hobby.
Cliff: Norm, you've got time to make your own coal.
-Norm, Cliff

If you can't say anything nice, say it about Diane.

Coach: How's life treating you Norm?
Norm: Like I just ran over its dog.
-Coach, Norm

Coach: How's life treating you Norm?
Norm: Like it caught me in bed with its wife.
-Coach, Norm

You know, I really think I can put together a great Thanksgiving dinner. This'll be the second one that I've cooked, and believe me, the first one was not the disaster that my family said it was. Those kids had a pretty good time in that ambulance.

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