Frasier Quotes

I have a built in mental clock. When I was a child, when we played hide and seek, I was the only one who didn't have to say 'one hippopotamus, two hippopotamus .
-Frasier

It's absolutely breathtaking. I'm breathless . . . I need to take a breath.
-Niles

Niles: For example, did you know this very lake is 89 meters deep and boasts 50 varieties of fish!
Frasier: Oh, Alex, I'll take bodies of water for $500.
-Niles, Frasier

Water should come in handy for putting out those pesky purse fires.
-Niles

I guess I was kind of charming. I couldn't help it. It just sort of leaked out.
-Martin

Don't stare at me, Eddie. I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan.
-Frasier

I am so tired of your exaggeration! You always make things 50,000 times worse than they are!
-Frasier

Daphne: There's nothing more exciting than a first date. All those questions which people ask. What's your favorite food? What's your favorite color? If you could come back as any animal, what would it be and why? If you were asked that, what would you say?
Frasier: 'Check please' comes to mind.
-Daphne, Frasier

I dreamt someone kidnapped my baby and they kept sending me muffins in the mail.
-Niles

I'm the one on the Board of the Psychiatric Association. My research is well-respected in academic circles. Four of my patients have been elected to political office, but it's your big, fat face they put on the side of buses!
-Niles

I'm sorry. I was some place else. It was a warm and friendly place.
-Daphne

She's on your bed asleep under the guests' coats. She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.
-Niles

Oh Niles, I'm just having some fun with you. I think Maris is rather attractive in a minimalist kind of way.
-Frasier

Niles: I still remember him inviting us to his house for weenie roasts when we were kids.
Frasier: I'm sure he remembers you too, asking for a salad nicoise.
-Niles, Frasier

Daphne: Wine, Dr. Crane?
Niles: Well, wouldn't you?
-Daphne, Niles

Martin: She came on to me.
Niles: No. You? Was she drunk?
-Martin, Niles

Maris can't produce saliva, you see.
-Niles

Roz: You spend money like a drunken sailor!
Niles: She said authoritatively.
-Roz, Niles

So exactly how is that brandy getting here, by St. Bernard?
-Niles

Frasier: He's not gay!
Niles: He seems to be under that impression.
-Frasier, Niles

Call me Ishmael!
-Niles

The minute that door closed I started praying something bad would happen to your plane.
-Frasier

Martin: Remember when we turned off the highway? Well, right down from there is the Bed and Bass Motel!
Frasier: Bed and Bass–ah yes, one of the finer fish-themed motels!
-Marin, Frasier

Maris is like the sun except without the warmth.
-Frasier

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