Friends TV Show Quotes

Friends TV Show Quotes

Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.

Ross: I would date her but there is a big age difference.
Joey: Well think about it when you're 90...
Ross: I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference.
Joey: No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
-Joey, Ross

[Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.

[pounding a scone]
Ross: Stupid British snack food.
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
-Ross, Chandler

You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance.

Rachel: Wha... married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What? Because that's your answer to everything?
-Rachel, Ross

You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!

Monica: Can you help me fold these napkins?
Phoebe: Sure.
Monica: I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams.
[Notices the way Pheobe is folding the napkins]
Monica: No... no honey... Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?
Phoebe: Yeah. It all came screaming back to me.
-Monica, Phoebe

[Imitating someone really annoying] "Oh, I slept with Billy Joel." Who hasn't?

What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me!

Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. You want some?
Ross: No thanks, I'm 29.
-Ross, Chandler

[repeated line throughout the series] Oh... my... God!

Ross: Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine.
Chandler: Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits.
-Ross, Chandler

Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!

Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?
Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.
-Rachel, Ross

Joey: I hate Pottery barn too! They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed.
Chandler: You took off your pants and cimbed under the sheets!
-Joey, Chandler

Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
-Ross, Chandler

Chandler: The only way I would've said six would have been if I had said, "Let's meet at seven, not at six."
Monica: The only way I would've said seven, would have been if I had said, 'Wow, my boyfriend is such a wiseass... Seven!'
-Chandler, Monica

Carol: Oh, what do you know? No-one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this
Carol: pot roast through it?"

Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
-ROss, Chandler

Chandler: I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife! Oh, you know what, I just did!
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!
-Chandler, Joey

Ross: Okay, there you go.
Rachel: Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the... transsexual from purchasing.
-Ross, Rachel

Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.
-Ross, Susan

[after smelling potpourri] Well, this is like summer in a bowl!

[Monica stares dreamily as Richard leaves the room] Oooh, I think my boyfriend's ever so dreamy. I wonder what our wedding's gonna be like.

[upon hearing Ross doesn't want to go to the movies with him] Come on, man! Tom Hanks! Meg Ryan! They get mail!

I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.

[after observing a short fight between Rachel and Ross]
That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?

We were on a break

Monica: Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time.
Chandler: I'm not macho.
Monica: You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.
-Monica, Chandler

Monica: My motto is get out before they go down.
Joey: That is so not my motto.
-Monica, Joey

You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha.

I'll just go pee in the street.

Eddie: [Chandler just asked him to move out] This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?
Chandler: No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
-Eddie, Chandler

Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
-Phoebe, Chandler

Monica: Chandler, you're panicking!
Chandler: Uh huh! Join me, won't you?
-Monica, Chandler

Are you in there little fetus? In nine months will you greet us? I will... buy you some Adidas...

You don't put words in people's mouths, you put *turkey* in people's mouths!

Dude, stop talkin' crazy and make us some tea!

[singing] Jingle bitch screwed me over. Go to hell jingle whore. Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell.

[Monica and Chandler are having sex in the other room]
Joey: You can't have s-e-x in front of a b-a-b-i-e

[Listening to Phoebe and Mike breaking up whilst holding a heavy sofa]
Chandler: Aaaaaand... Hernia.

Ross: The door's closed! I can't see anything with the door closed!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.
-Ross, Chandler

Ross: You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today!
Chandler: Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.
-Ross, Chandler

[after talking about Chandler being picky with girls] Chandler, I understand you. I mean, this one time, I went out with this girl, she had the biggest Adam's apple!

Because women never like Joey. You know, I hear he's a virgin?

And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing", he said "Woah! Short message!"

Monica: I'll never have a first kiss again.
Phoebe: You'll have a last kiss.
-Monica, Phoebe

Joey: How come we don't have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need shoes.
-Joey, Chandler

Phoebe: [sings] Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? / Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault!

Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?

Goodbye, you fruit drying psychopath.

How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?

Ding dong, the psycho's gone.

So, is he house trained or is he going to leave little bathroom tiles all over the place?

[about Chandler & Joey] They're different from my other friends, they don't start sentences with "you know who just died shoveling snow?"

There's no juice for the people who need the juice and want the juice and I need the juice.

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