Friends TV Show Quotes

Friends TV Show Quotes

Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.
-Phoebe

Ross: I would date her but there is a big age difference.
Joey: Well think about it when you're 90...
Ross: I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference.
Joey: No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
-Joey, Ross

[Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
-Phoebe

All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.
-Chandler

[pounding a scone]
Ross: Stupid British snack food.
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
-Ross, Chandler

You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance.
-Chandler

Rachel: Wha... married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What? Because that's your answer to everything?
-Rachel, Ross

You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!
-Ross

Monica: Can you help me fold these napkins?
Phoebe: Sure.
Monica: I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams.
[Notices the way Pheobe is folding the napkins]
Monica: No... no honey... Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?
Phoebe: Yeah. It all came screaming back to me.
-Monica, Phoebe

[Imitating someone really annoying] "Oh, I slept with Billy Joel." Who hasn't?
-Phoebe

What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me!
-Ross

Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. You want some?
Ross: No thanks, I'm 29.
-Ross, Chandler

[repeated line throughout the series] Oh... my... God!
-Janice

Ross: Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine.
Chandler: Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits.
-Ross, Chandler

Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!
-Monica

Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?
Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.
-Rachel, Ross

Joey: I hate Pottery barn too! They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed.
Chandler: You took off your pants and cimbed under the sheets!
-Joey, Chandler

Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
-Ross, Chandler

Chandler: The only way I would've said six would have been if I had said, "Let's meet at seven, not at six."
Monica: The only way I would've said seven, would have been if I had said, 'Wow, my boyfriend is such a wiseass... Seven!'
-Chandler, Monica

Carol: Oh, what do you know? No-one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this
[shouts]
Carol: pot roast through it?"
-Carol

Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
-ROss, Chandler

Chandler: I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife! Oh, you know what, I just did!
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!
-Chandler, Joey

Ross: Okay, there you go.
Rachel: Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the... transsexual from purchasing.
-Ross, Rachel

Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.
-Ross, Susan

[after smelling potpourri] Well, this is like summer in a bowl!
-Joey

[Monica stares dreamily as Richard leaves the room] Oooh, I think my boyfriend's ever so dreamy. I wonder what our wedding's gonna be like.
-Phoebe

[upon hearing Ross doesn't want to go to the movies with him] Come on, man! Tom Hanks! Meg Ryan! They get mail!
-Joey

I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.
-Chandler

[after observing a short fight between Rachel and Ross]
That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?
-Phoebe

We were on a break
-Ross

Monica: Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time.
Chandler: I'm not macho.
Monica: You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.
-Monica, Chandler

Monica: My motto is get out before they go down.
Joey: That is so not my motto.
-Monica, Joey

You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha.
-Monica

I'll just go pee in the street.
-Joey

Eddie: [Chandler just asked him to move out] This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?
Chandler: No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
-Eddie, Chandler

Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
-Phoebe, Chandler

Monica: Chandler, you're panicking!
Chandler: Uh huh! Join me, won't you?
-Monica, Chandler

Are you in there little fetus? In nine months will you greet us? I will... buy you some Adidas...
-Phoebe

You don't put words in people's mouths, you put *turkey* in people's mouths!
-Joey

Dude, stop talkin' crazy and make us some tea!
-Joey

[singing] Jingle bitch screwed me over. Go to hell jingle whore. Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell.
-Phoebe

[Monica and Chandler are having sex in the other room]
Joey: You can't have s-e-x in front of a b-a-b-i-e
-Joey

[Listening to Phoebe and Mike breaking up whilst holding a heavy sofa]
Chandler: Aaaaaand... Hernia.
-Chandler

Ross: The door's closed! I can't see anything with the door closed!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.
-Ross, Chandler

Ross: You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today!
Chandler: Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.
-Ross, Chandler

[after talking about Chandler being picky with girls] Chandler, I understand you. I mean, this one time, I went out with this girl, she had the biggest Adam's apple!
-Joey

Because women never like Joey. You know, I hear he's a virgin?
-Ross

And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing", he said "Woah! Short message!"
-Chandler

Monica: I'll never have a first kiss again.
Phoebe: You'll have a last kiss.
-Monica, Phoebe

Joey: How come we don't have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need shoes.
-Joey, Chandler

Phoebe: [sings] Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? / Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault!
-Phoebe

Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?
-Ross

Goodbye, you fruit drying psychopath.
-Chandler

How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
-Rachel

Ding dong, the psycho's gone.
-Chandler

So, is he house trained or is he going to leave little bathroom tiles all over the place?
-Chandler

[about Chandler & Joey] They're different from my other friends, they don't start sentences with "you know who just died shoveling snow?"
-Richard

There's no juice for the people who need the juice and want the juice and I need the juice.
-Joey

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