The Hangover Movie Quotes

The Hangover Movie Quotes

(Wolfpack Speech)
You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
-Alan

Driving drunk. Classic!
-Alan

This is my favorite part coming up right now.
-Mike Tyson

It's funny because he's fat!
-Mr. Chow

It's the weekend, Budnick. I don't know you. You do not exist.
-Phil

He seemed like a real straight shooter.
-Alan

Stu: You found the car?
Officer Franklin: Yeah! It was parked in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd. with a note that said "Couldn't find a meter, so here's $4."
-Stu, Officer

Mr. Chow: I want my purse back, assholes.
Phil Wenneck: What, your purse?
Alan Garner: That's not a purse. That's a satchel!
-Chow, Phil, Alan

Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?
-Stu

They are mature, you just have to get to know them better...
-Stu

Hey, you guys ready to let the dogs out?
-Alan

Fuck, I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger!
-Phil

Stu: Why don't we remember a God damn thing from last night?
Phil: Obviously because we had a great fucking time.
-Stu, Phil

Oh yeah? Why dont you suck on these little Chinese nuts?
-Mr. Chow

We're in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?
-Stu

To a night the four of us will never forget!
-Phil

And we're the three best friends that anyone could have!
-Alan

Phil Wenneck: Check it out. Stu! Stu, fuck this tiger!
Mike Tyson: Aw, man! Who does shit like that, man?
Phil Wenneck: Someone who has a lotta issues, obviously. I'm a sick man.
-Phil, Tyson

He's getting very close to my shaft.
-Alan getting fitted for a tux

The Hangover Quotes
Would you shut up and drive, before any of these nerds asks me another question.
-Phil leaving his school

Phil Wenneck: The Best Little Chapel... do you know where that is?
Dr. Valsh: I do, it's at the corner of get a map and fuck off. I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.
-Phil, Doctor

Stu Price: This does not seem fair.
Phil Wenneck: It's rock-paper-scissors. There's nothin' more fair.
-Stu, Phil

You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
-Stu

Stu: Whoah, we're not leaving a baby in the car.
Phil: He'll be fine. I cracked a window.
-Stu, Phil

We look at these pictures together, OK? One time. And then we delete the evidence.
-Doug

Doug Billings: All good with Melissa?
Stu Price: Oh, yeah. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it.
Phil Wenneck: Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?
Stu Price: Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
Phil Wenneck: Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
Stu Price: Okay, first of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her.
Phil Wenneck: And you believe that?
Stu Price: Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen.
-Doug, Stu, Phil

Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.
-Alan

Stu: Here's something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!
Alan: That's highly unlikely.
-Stu, Alan

So long, gay boys!
-Mr. Chow

Officer Franklin: I see guys like you in here every fuckin' day.
Officer Garden: Every fuckin' day!
Officer Franklin: Yeah let's all go to Vegas and get really fucked up!
Officer Garden: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Officer Franklin: Let's go steal a cop car because it'd be real fuckin' funny!
-Officers

By the way, we're all gonna die.
-Stu

Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.
-Sid

Officer Franklin: [to a group of schoolchildren] Ok, kids, you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect... Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun: up close and personal
[tasers Stu in the neck; Stu collapses]
Officer Franklin: ... or you can shoot it from a distance. Now, do I have any volunteers? You want to come up here and do some shooting, huh? Alright. How about you, young lady? Come on up here.
-Officer

Funny fat guy fall on face!
-Mr. Chow

Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
-Phil

Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!
-Phil

Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up.
-Mike Tyson

Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douchebag.
-Mr. Chow

Alan Garner: It was a real pleasure meeting you.
Melissa: Fuck off!
Alan Garner: I'm thinking about getting my bartender's license.
Melissa: Suck my dick.
Alan Garner: No, thank you.
-Alan, Melissa


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