The Hangover Movie Quotes
You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
Driving drunk. Classic!
This is my favorite part coming up right now.
It's funny because he's fat!
It's the weekend, Budnick. I don't know you. You do not exist.
He seemed like a real straight shooter.
Stu: You found the car?
Officer Franklin: Yeah! It was parked in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd. with a note that said "Couldn't find a meter, so here's $4."
Mr. Chow: I want my purse back, assholes.
Phil Wenneck: What, your purse?
Alan Garner: That's not a purse. That's a satchel!
-Chow, Phil, Alan
Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?
They are mature, you just have to get to know them better...
Hey, you guys ready to let the dogs out?
Fuck, I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger!
Stu: Why don't we remember a God damn thing from last night?
Phil: Obviously because we had a great fucking time.
Oh yeah? Why dont you suck on these little Chinese nuts?
We're in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?
To a night the four of us will never forget!
And we're the three best friends that anyone could have!
Phil Wenneck: Check it out. Stu! Stu, fuck this tiger!
Mike Tyson: Aw, man! Who does shit like that, man?
Phil Wenneck: Someone who has a lotta issues, obviously. I'm a sick man.
He's getting very close to my shaft.
-Alan getting fitted for a tux
Would you shut up and drive, before any of these nerds asks me another question.
-Phil leaving his school
Phil Wenneck: The Best Little Chapel... do you know where that is?
Dr. Valsh: I do, it's at the corner of get a map and fuck off. I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.
Stu Price: This does not seem fair.
Phil Wenneck: It's rock-paper-scissors. There's nothin' more fair.
You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
Stu: Whoah, we're not leaving a baby in the car.
Phil: He'll be fine. I cracked a window.
We look at these pictures together, OK? One time. And then we delete the evidence.
Doug Billings: All good with Melissa?
Stu Price: Oh, yeah. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it.
Phil Wenneck: Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?
Stu Price: Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
Phil Wenneck: Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
Stu Price: Okay, first of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her.
Phil Wenneck: And you believe that?
Stu Price: Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen.
-Doug, Stu, Phil
Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.
Stu: Here's something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!
Alan: That's highly unlikely.
So long, gay boys!
Officer Franklin: I see guys like you in here every fuckin' day.
Officer Garden: Every fuckin' day!
Officer Franklin: Yeah let's all go to Vegas and get really fucked up!
Officer Garden: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Officer Franklin: Let's go steal a cop car because it'd be real fuckin' funny!
By the way, we're all gonna die.
Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.
Officer Franklin: [to a group of schoolchildren] Ok, kids, you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect... Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun: up close and personal
[tasers Stu in the neck; Stu collapses]
Officer Franklin: ... or you can shoot it from a distance. Now, do I have any volunteers? You want to come up here and do some shooting, huh? Alright. How about you, young lady? Come on up here.
Funny fat guy fall on face!
Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!
Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up.
Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douchebag.
Alan Garner: It was a real pleasure meeting you.
Melissa: Fuck off!
Alan Garner: I'm thinking about getting my bartender's license.
Melissa: Suck my dick.
Alan Garner: No, thank you.
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