King of the Hill Quotes

King of the Hill Quotes

Don't explain a homerun, you'll have a heart attack
-Khan

I tell ya what
-Hank

Bobby: You know, it's weird, Dad, but I don't even totally understand what propane is.
Hank: Well, no one will ever totally understand Sweet Lady Propane.
-Bobby, Hank

Lou-ANNE! What's up girlfriend?
-Bobby

That boy ain't right.
-Hank

Hey Dad if you're God, I guess that makes me Jesus.
-Bobby

Sir, you lied to me, you lied to this little boy, and I don't know what you did to this gentleman in his underwear!
-Ranger

One good thing about other hillbillies, at least they all pass out by nine o'clock. This guy needs to shut up or get stronger moonshine.
-Kahn

Peggy: You be careful too, Hank. You're going down there with a liver, two kidneys and no timeshare. I expect you to come back the same way.
Hank: If an at-risk kid can't get me to order Sports Illustrated, no one's going to sell me a timeshare.
-Peggy, Hank

Judge: And let the record show that Mr. Hank Hill really knows his pornography.
Hank: Thank you, your honor!
-Judge, Hank

Remember dad, loud is not allowed.
-Bobby

What do you got under Mr.Party Pooper? Some party poop?
-Dale

To the Flowers of Time!
-Bobby

I tell you what, this family goes through microwaves like other families go through shoes.
-Hank

Look at that one, bouncing around in front of God and everybody. Would it kill a tree if she wore a bra?
-Hank

America is my country and I love her. I wouldn't enter her in any way that's unnatural.
-Hank

Thats my purse! I don't know you!
-Bobby

Hank: I need a gnome. Not just any gnome, a Winklebottom.
Salesman: A Winklebottom? Why not just ask me to move a rainbow?
Hank: I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or just weird.
-Hank, Salesman

There better be a naked cheerleader under your bed!
-Hank

Why would anyone do drugs when they could just mow a lawn?
-Hank

This neighborhood is turning into Melrose Place.
-Dale

Yep. Yep. Mmhmm. Yep.
-Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer in the alley

Luanne, just when I think that you have said the stupidest thing, you keep talking!
-Hank

I like my men like I like my drinks, tall, sweet and under an umbrella.
-Bill

EWW! I hate boys like that!
-Hank

I just had phone sex! *twichs*
-Hank

Its not smut! Its radio disney!
-Bobby

We're pre-teens, damnit!
-Bobby

I want a girl too! I just can't stop thinking about 'em! I can't get girls out of my head! Just -- just get out!
-Joseph

Hank, I can't have your son goin around kicking people in the testicles
-Principal

Goodbye, Luanne. I want you to know I never read your diary, even though you secretly suspected I did on June 18, 1995.
-Bobby

"I'm gonna kick your Ass!"
-Hank

Ugh...dang it, Bobby.
-Hank

bandit!
-bobby

I'm buying you a hooker.
-Cotton Hill

King_of_the_hill_characters-5146
Peggy: Did you even happen to notice that Luanne was crying when she left here?
Hank: Well, when isn't she crying? She cries at weddings, she cries at funerals, there's no rhyme or reason to it.
-Peggy, Hank

I surely am not unfond of you, Peggy, I tell you what." What kind of marriage proposal is that?
-Peggy

Sir, we go back fifteen years, and in all that time I have only had one mistress, and her name is propane. Peggy and I have an understanding about that.
-Hank

Bobby: Wow, Dad, how did you know this was going to happen?
Hank: Well, I just know something about human nature, son. If you put teenagers and husky boys and doughnuts all in the same place, you're just asking for trouble.
-Bobby, Hank

Hank: You know, Debbie's place is right next to Sugarfoot's. That's quite a coincidence.
Mr. Strickland: No coincidence. I like to eat, I like to hump, and I don't like to drive. So I built Sugarfoot's next to the singles complex.
-Hank, Mr. Strickland

I hate hate!
-Luann

You know how the Egyptians un-tipped the pyramids, don't you? With a winch, a cinder block, and 50,000 Hebrew slaves. You got a cinder block?
-Dale

If they had a sponge that cleaned up broken dreams, Woolworth's would still be in business.
-Peggu

Joseph likes to watch.
-Dooley

My Bug-a-bago! What evil hath been wrought to befall this upon me?
-Dale

If you try to stick the late Peggy Hill in an inferior casket, she will come back to haunt you. I will see to that.
-Peggy

(lying in her coffin): Oh, Hank, it's like sleeping on a marshmallow.
-Peggy

Peggy: That's right, Bobby, I believe you will find that I have no testicles. Where's your secret weapon now?
Kahn: She bluffing! Finish her!
-Peggy, Kahn

I heard what you did to Chane Wasonasong. Unforgivable! But then I heard what you did to your father. Very funny. So I'm conflicted.
-Kahn

Tammi: I think I would remember you.
Cotton: Don't be too sure, sweet-cheeks -- I've been known to give a girl amneesee.
-Tammi, Cotton

Tammi: My mama and I haven't talked since I dropped out of school. Or maybe it was since I totalled her 'Vette.
Peggy: Your mother drove a Corvette?
Tammi: Chevette.
-Tammi, Peggy

The only woman I'm pimping from now on is Sweet Lady Propane. And I'm tricking her out all over this town.
-Hank

"Hey dad, I like beer!" (Hank does his classic "whuuuh")
-Bobby

Bobby, I know you're probably pretty upset with me right now, but one day you'll understand how much love it takes to crush a little boy's dream.
-Hank

Dale:Dont you patronize me!
-Dale

Peggy: Jeff Gordon is handsome, and he's a great champion.
Luanne: He's the world's fastest Christian.
-Peggy, Luanne

Hank:Why does the contents od my underpants have to do with National Security?
-Hank

Hank: I am the mack daddy of Heimlich County. I play it straight up, yo. You get the hell out of my hood. She's my ho now!
Alabaster: All right, man, you can have her. I got a whole stable full of hos workin' for me in the OK-C.
-Hank, Alabaster

Hank:Why does the contents of my underpants have to do with National Security?
-Hank

Dale:Peggy, you go die over there
-dale

hank Hill, Stricklin Propane
-Hank

Stupid rednecks.
-Kahn

Poor connie? poor me! i had to learn about super ebsorbency!
-hank

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