King of the Hill Quotes
Don't explain a homerun, you'll have a heart attack
I tell ya what
Bobby: You know, it's weird, Dad, but I don't even totally understand what propane is.
Hank: Well, no one will ever totally understand Sweet Lady Propane.
Lou-ANNE! What's up girlfriend?
That boy ain't right.
Hey Dad if you're God, I guess that makes me Jesus.
Sir, you lied to me, you lied to this little boy, and I don't know what you did to this gentleman in his underwear!
One good thing about other hillbillies, at least they all pass out by nine o'clock. This guy needs to shut up or get stronger moonshine.
Peggy: You be careful too, Hank. You're going down there with a liver, two kidneys and no timeshare. I expect you to come back the same way.
Hank: If an at-risk kid can't get me to order Sports Illustrated, no one's going to sell me a timeshare.
Judge: And let the record show that Mr. Hank Hill really knows his pornography.
Hank: Thank you, your honor!
Remember dad, loud is not allowed.
What do you got under Mr.Party Pooper? Some party poop?
To the Flowers of Time!
I tell you what, this family goes through microwaves like other families go through shoes.
Look at that one, bouncing around in front of God and everybody. Would it kill a tree if she wore a bra?
America is my country and I love her. I wouldn't enter her in any way that's unnatural.
Thats my purse! I don't know you!
Hank: I need a gnome. Not just any gnome, a Winklebottom.
Salesman: A Winklebottom? Why not just ask me to move a rainbow?
Hank: I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or just weird.
There better be a naked cheerleader under your bed!
Why would anyone do drugs when they could just mow a lawn?
This neighborhood is turning into Melrose Place.
Yep. Yep. Mmhmm. Yep.
-Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer in the alley
Luanne, just when I think that you have said the stupidest thing, you keep talking!
I like my men like I like my drinks, tall, sweet and under an umbrella.
EWW! I hate boys like that!
I just had phone sex! *twichs*
Its not smut! Its radio disney!
We're pre-teens, damnit!
I want a girl too! I just can't stop thinking about 'em! I can't get girls out of my head! Just -- just get out!
Hank, I can't have your son goin around kicking people in the testicles
Goodbye, Luanne. I want you to know I never read your diary, even though you secretly suspected I did on June 18, 1995.
"I'm gonna kick your Ass!"
Ugh...dang it, Bobby.
I'm buying you a hooker.
Peggy: Did you even happen to notice that Luanne was crying when she left here?
Hank: Well, when isn't she crying? She cries at weddings, she cries at funerals, there's no rhyme or reason to it.
I surely am not unfond of you, Peggy, I tell you what." What kind of marriage proposal is that?
Sir, we go back fifteen years, and in all that time I have only had one mistress, and her name is propane. Peggy and I have an understanding about that.
Bobby: Wow, Dad, how did you know this was going to happen?
Hank: Well, I just know something about human nature, son. If you put teenagers and husky boys and doughnuts all in the same place, you're just asking for trouble.
Hank: You know, Debbie's place is right next to Sugarfoot's. That's quite a coincidence.
Mr. Strickland: No coincidence. I like to eat, I like to hump, and I don't like to drive. So I built Sugarfoot's next to the singles complex.
-Hank, Mr. Strickland
I hate hate!
You know how the Egyptians un-tipped the pyramids, don't you? With a winch, a cinder block, and 50,000 Hebrew slaves. You got a cinder block?
If they had a sponge that cleaned up broken dreams, Woolworth's would still be in business.
Joseph likes to watch.
My Bug-a-bago! What evil hath been wrought to befall this upon me?
If you try to stick the late Peggy Hill in an inferior casket, she will come back to haunt you. I will see to that.
(lying in her coffin): Oh, Hank, it's like sleeping on a marshmallow.
Peggy: That's right, Bobby, I believe you will find that I have no testicles. Where's your secret weapon now?
Kahn: She bluffing! Finish her!
I heard what you did to Chane Wasonasong. Unforgivable! But then I heard what you did to your father. Very funny. So I'm conflicted.
Tammi: I think I would remember you.
Cotton: Don't be too sure, sweet-cheeks -- I've been known to give a girl amneesee.
Tammi: My mama and I haven't talked since I dropped out of school. Or maybe it was since I totalled her 'Vette.
Peggy: Your mother drove a Corvette?
The only woman I'm pimping from now on is Sweet Lady Propane. And I'm tricking her out all over this town.
"Hey dad, I like beer!" (Hank does his classic "whuuuh")
Bobby, I know you're probably pretty upset with me right now, but one day you'll understand how much love it takes to crush a little boy's dream.
Dale:Dont you patronize me!
Peggy: Jeff Gordon is handsome, and he's a great champion.
Luanne: He's the world's fastest Christian.
Hank:Why does the contents od my underpants have to do with National Security?
Hank: I am the mack daddy of Heimlich County. I play it straight up, yo. You get the hell out of my hood. She's my ho now!
Alabaster: All right, man, you can have her. I got a whole stable full of hos workin' for me in the OK-C.
Hank:Why does the contents of my underpants have to do with National Security?
Dale:Peggy, you go die over there
hank Hill, Stricklin Propane
Poor connie? poor me! i had to learn about super ebsorbency!
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