Liar Liar Movie Quotes

Liar Liar Movie Quotes

What is wrong with me? I'm getting what I deserve. I'm reaping what I sow.

The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.

I'm so glad my gift could bring them closer together. My plan to completely phase myself out is almost complete!

Dana: He's badgering the witness!
Judge Stevens: It's his witness!
-Dana, Judge

Secretary: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!
-Secretary, Fletcher

Guy in office: Hey, Fletcher, how's it hanging?
Fletcher: Short, shriveled, and always to the left.
-Guy, Fletcher

I can't lie!

Jerry, enjoy my wife.

It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue.

Stop breaking the law, asshole!

Fat Coworker: Hey, what's up, Fletcher?
Fletcher: Your cholesterol, fatty!
-Coworker, Fletcher

Max: If I keep making this face... will it get stuck that way?
Fletcher: Uh uh. As a matter of fact, some people make a very good living that way.
-Max, Fletcher

Greta, please! I'm on my knees in a $900 suit.

I'm an inconsiderate prick!

Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better.
-Miranda, Fletcher

Max: Is wrestling real?
Fletcher: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.
-Max, Fletcher

Audrey, good news, both my legs are broken so they can't take me straight to jail.

I'm kicking my own ass!

I wish for just one day, dad couldn't tell a lie.

Fletcher: Mr. Falk, would I be accurate, if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional? I *object*, Your Honor, and I move to strike!
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point, and quick!
-Fletcher, Judge

The pen is blue! The pen is blue!

Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.
-Fletcher, Audrey

Fletcher: Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
Audrey: No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.
-Fletcher, Audrey

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