Liar Liar Movie Quotes

What is wrong with me? I'm getting what I deserve. I'm reaping what I sow.
-Fletcher

The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.
-Fletcher

I'm so glad my gift could bring them closer together. My plan to completely phase myself out is almost complete!
-Fletcher

Dana: He's badgering the witness!
Judge Stevens: It's his witness!
-Dana, Judge

Secretary: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!
-Secretary, Fletcher

Guy in office: Hey, Fletcher, how's it hanging?
Fletcher: Short, shriveled, and always to the left.
-Guy, Fletcher

I can't lie!
-Fletcher

Jerry, enjoy my wife.
-Fletcher

It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue.
-Judge

Stop breaking the law, asshole!
-Fletcher

Fat Coworker: Hey, what's up, Fletcher?
Fletcher: Your cholesterol, fatty!
-Coworker, Fletcher

Max: If I keep making this face... will it get stuck that way?
Fletcher: Uh uh. As a matter of fact, some people make a very good living that way.
-Max, Fletcher

Greta, please! I'm on my knees in a $900 suit.
-Fletcher

I'm an inconsiderate prick!
-Fletcher

Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better.
-Miranda, Fletcher

Max: Is wrestling real?
Fletcher: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.
-Max, Fletcher

Audrey, good news, both my legs are broken so they can't take me straight to jail.
-Fletcher

I'm kicking my own ass!
-Fletcher

I wish for just one day, dad couldn't tell a lie.
-Max

Fletcher: Mr. Falk, would I be accurate, if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional? I *object*, Your Honor, and I move to strike!
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point, and quick!
-Fletcher, Judge

The pen is blue! The pen is blue!
-Fletcher

Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.
-Fletcher, Audrey

Fletcher: Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
Audrey: No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.
-Fletcher, Audrey


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