Married With Children Quotes
Uh Steve. Bundys we don't fly coach. Yeah! Bundys fly first class or Bundys don't fly.
Al, sweetheart, you banged your head tonight. You are having a hallucination. You're probably seriously hurt and need medical attention. Now go to sleep.
What chu talking about, Bundy?
Al, I'm horny, what are you gonna do about it?
Why doesn't the world die?!
Al: Peg, this is my house. If you want it to look better, dust. If you want it to smell better, cook. If you want it to be happy, leave. But do not touch this house, I am not a man happy with change.
Peggy: Well, that explains your job and your underwear.
Women, can't live with em, can't herd em all into Canada.
Al: Sex again. Peg, we've been married for 17 years now, can't we just be friends?
Peggy: No. I don't like you, I just wanna have sex with you.
I hate barbecues. I hate Labor Day. I hate watching buzzards circle while I'm having sex.
Christmas is not the time for regrets, that's what anniversaries are for.
When I was a freshman they flushed my head down the toilet. When I was a sophomore they flushed my head down the toilet. When I was a junior, I was getting cool. So they let me flush it myself. But now, I'm a senior, ready to rule. This year, he's back, he's cool, he's dry.
Peg, I'm not a cartoon; I'm almost a human being, dammit!
Ohhh Peg! Do I have to?
Peg: Okay Al, guess what's under the sheet?
Al: Peg, if I didn't like that game in bed, why would I like it now?
Marcy: I don't know why we even need bras.
Al: Well, I think it's to keep your breasts off the plate when you eat.
A man's castle is his pants.
We all have to live with our disappointments. I, of course, have to sleep with mine.
I married you til death do us part. Which means when I'm dead I'm free to date.
Does anybody have anything that they'd like to gesture? Anything at all? I don't think that particular gesture is necessary........Al.
Who's the guy whose show is done? Who's tv hero's on the run? Who'll be watching VH1? Loser Al, loser Al, loser Al!!
I wonder what the poor people are doing..
A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoe store today, said, "I'd like something I'd be comfortable in." I said, "Try Wyoming!"
I hate Christmas. Mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is, "I want this! Get me this! I have to have this!" then there's the children. And they're all by my store, cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. "Ho, ho, ho!" all day long, so nice as can be, I go outside and ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So, I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. The beard comes off, all the kids start crying, and I'm the bad guy!
Follow Funny Quotes Today on Facebook and Twitter for the Quote of the day.