Me, Myself & Irene Movie Quotes

Me, Myself & Irene Movie Quotes

Man how the hell can they call Pluto a planet? No motherfucking planet has an elliptical orbit. This shit don't make no sense.
-Shonte Jr.

Ever been bitch slapped?
-Hank

Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.
-Hank

Well fuck my ozone.
-Hank

The name's Hank, fuck face, learn it!
-Hank

Come on, don't be mad, my little pussy-fart.
-Hank

Charlie's like origami, he folds under pressure.
-Hank

Hi, ladies. My name is Charlie Baileygates. Would you like to see my weasel?
-Hank

Free hot dogs here, all you can eat! Get your foot long and a bag of nuts!
-Hank

What are you staring at fucker? You wanna start me up? Just open the choke and pull the cord, pal. There's gonna be an earthquake and you're dancing on the fault line.
-Hank

Well looky here, it's a human Q-tip.
-Hank

I promise you when I find your old man, I am personally gonna fuck him up!
-Officer Stubie

Would someone please get this chicken out of my ass?
-Officer Stubie

I turn my back for one moment then you stick it up my ass. Literally!
-Charlie

I'm not leaving till the morning, but you know the rules when I go: no bitches after eleven.
-Charlie

Our daddy didn't kill no cop and he sure as shit didn't kidnap no skinny-ass bitch!
-Jamaal
Get your cock out of my Chrysler, you son of a bitch!
-Mr. Murphy
Did you just refer to yourself in the fourth person?
-Irene

So I smoked some pot, what is that a crime?
-Irene

Irene: Does your ass feel swolen.
Charlie: (referring to his pills) No. But it can give you unbelievable cotton-mouth.
Irene: I meant from the ride.
Charlie: Oh. Oh, yeah. Over the years my ass has taken a pounding.
-Irene, Charlie

Irene: You should be furious. I just dropped kicked you right in the face.
Charlie: Hey, it happens.
-Irene, Charlie

Jamaal: These two motherfuckers can do the shopping, and I'll do the cooking.
Lee Harvey: Man, you'll do the cooking? Man, you're the one who thought you got chipped beef from a toothy blowjob.
-Jamaal, Lee

Chris Rock: Toss my salad, fool what's that? Well having your salad tossed means having your asshole eaten out with jelly or syrup. I prefer syrup.
Charlie: He's a funny motherfucker!
-Chris Rock, Charlie

Irene: Charlie may not be long off the tee, but he's got a very good up and down game.
Hank: What? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Can we just speak English here?
-Irene, Hank

Hank: I noticed you conveniently left out your eating disorder.
Irene: I don't have and eating disorder.
Hank: Whatever you say, slim.
-Irene, Hank

Lee Harvey: Is your old lady happy?
Lieutenant Gerke: Is my old lady happy?
Lee Harvey: Yeah, because if your fuckin' is anything like your police work then you couldn't hit the G-spot on a twelve pound pussy.
-Lee, Lieutenant

Lee Harvey: You keep fuckin' around and you gonna get that scholarship to Yale taken away. End up at Stanford with a muthafuckin' sling blade.
Jamaal: Shit, yo' ass gonna be lucky to get into Duke, gettin' a muthafuckin' 1430 on yo' SATs.
Lee Harvey: Shit, muthafucka you know I had the flu.
Jamaal: You'd have to have a muthafuckin' aneurysm to get a 1430, shit.
-Jamaal, Lee

Charlie: So, Whitey, what happened to your family?
Whitey: I killed them. I hacked them up with a hammer while they were asleep. Ma, Pa, Bro, Sis. She was awake, my sis. I was just released from prison on my 21st birthday. I wasn't ready to leave but they said I had to. Fucked up law, huh?
-Charlie, Whitey


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