Modern Family Quotes

Modern Family Quotes

Jay: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven and landed on earth.
Gloria: I didn’t… oh, because I’m an angel!
-Jay, Gloria

90 percent of being a dad is just showing up

I hate it when you do that. You never heard of Troga? You never tried octopus? You never did this amazing thing I just discovered yesterday but I pretend like I’ve done my whole life?

Mitchell: Why did you dress her in jungle print?
Cam: Because I thought it would be cute!
Mitchell: She’s going to think she’s back in Vietnam!
-Mitchell, Cam

Dylan: I don’t think we’d like the same music.
Cam: Because I’m gay and only like show tunes?
Dylan: Because you’re old.
Cam: Well, that hurt more, Dylan.
-Cam, Dylan

I think I found a place where I can sell this organ. Can you drive me to the black market?

The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny’s. Put on the first thing I grabbed. It was like a crotch tourniquet.

Cameron’s moment went on for a really, really long time. Turns out I could’ve run to the party and made it back for the end of his moment.

Look at him getting coffee and not putting chocolate in it! He’s so mature!

Tell me it was about booze, cheating, physical abuse – no problem. I’m a monogamous social drinker and Claire only sleep-hits me.

Don’t skimp on linens. Don’t compliment a teacher on her figure. And when it comes to my mom, never ask questions I don’t want the answers to.

I had bread, I had cheese, and I had an iron. What was I supposed to do?

Claire: I got pregnant with Haley.
Phil: My bad!
-Claire, Phil

Calm down, you know I grew up around many animals. One time a rooster attacked me and my mom rung its neck and we had it for dinner.

Hey Mom, I think my diet’s working! My underwear won’t stay up!

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