Modern Family Quotes

Modern Family Quotes

Jay: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven and landed on earth.
Gloria: I didn’t… oh, because I’m an angel!
-Jay, Gloria

90 percent of being a dad is just showing up
-Jay

I hate it when you do that. You never heard of Troga? You never tried octopus? You never did this amazing thing I just discovered yesterday but I pretend like I’ve done my whole life?
-Claire

Mitchell: Why did you dress her in jungle print?
Cam: Because I thought it would be cute!
Mitchell: She’s going to think she’s back in Vietnam!
-Mitchell, Cam

Dylan: I don’t think we’d like the same music.
Cam: Because I’m gay and only like show tunes?
Dylan: Because you’re old.
Cam: Well, that hurt more, Dylan.
-Cam, Dylan

I think I found a place where I can sell this organ. Can you drive me to the black market?
-Luke

The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny’s. Put on the first thing I grabbed. It was like a crotch tourniquet.
-Jay

Cameron’s moment went on for a really, really long time. Turns out I could’ve run to the party and made it back for the end of his moment.
-Mitchell

Look at him getting coffee and not putting chocolate in it! He’s so mature!
-Haley

Tell me it was about booze, cheating, physical abuse – no problem. I’m a monogamous social drinker and Claire only sleep-hits me.
-Phil

Don’t skimp on linens. Don’t compliment a teacher on her figure. And when it comes to my mom, never ask questions I don’t want the answers to.
-Manny

I had bread, I had cheese, and I had an iron. What was I supposed to do?
-Luke

Claire: I got pregnant with Haley.
Phil: My bad!
-Claire, Phil

Calm down, you know I grew up around many animals. One time a rooster attacked me and my mom rung its neck and we had it for dinner.
-Cameron

Hey Mom, I think my diet’s working! My underwear won’t stay up!
-Manny

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