Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

Come see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Now now, let's not bicker and argue about who killed who, this is supposed to be a happy occasion!
-Father of the Groom

It's only a flesh wound!
-Guy in the black armour

I'm not dead!
-Old Man

And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.

Come back here and i'll bite your legs off!
-Black night

Bring out your dead
-Guy On Street

On second thought lets not go to Camelot, tis a silly place.
-King Arthur

Bad Zoot! She is a naughty person. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her. You must spank her well. And then... spank me!

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!
-French Knight

Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy."

French Soldier: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Sir Galahad: Well, is there someone else up there we could talk to?
French Soldier: No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
-Soldier, Sir Galahad


King Arthur: What are you going to do. bleed on me?
Black Knight: I'm invincible!
King Arthur: You're a loony.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs. Have at you!
-Arthur, Black Knight

Bridge: What is your favorite color?
Galahad: Blue. No, yel - AAAAAAAHH!
-Bridge Keeper, Galahad

Dennis: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
King Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
-Dennis, Arthur

Father of the Groom: One day, lad, all this will be yours.
Prince Herbert: What, the curtains?
Father of the Groom: No, not the curtains, lad. All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your kingdom, lad.
Prince Herbert: But Mother
Father of the Groom: Father, lad. Father.
Prince Herbert: But Father, I don't want any of that.
Father of the Groom: Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, THEN sank into the swamp, but the fourth one stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad. The strongest castle in these islands.
-Father, Prince Hebert

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