The Nanny TV Show Quotes

Trust me, there is only one man who can satisfy a woman in two minutes - Colonel Sanders.
-Sylvia

As appealing as Hepatitis sounds, yellow's just not my color.
-Fran

You're pretty cocky for a tall, handsome, rich charming guy.
-Fran

I saw Mr. Sheffield naked in the shower.
-Fran

We begged my mother for a Christmas tree, she called it a Chanukah Bush. P.S., the candles from the Menorah set the flocking on fire, and the fumes put my father into the emergency room.
-Fran

Ah-hah, forget it. You got a better chance of seeing Tonya Harding on a box of Wheaties.
-Fran

You know, the next time you give your clothes away, why don't you just stay in them?
-Niles

Why can't you just be happy for me? I'm not used to being called Sir. You're used to it.
-Niles

You realize, of course, now I'm going to have to kill you.
-Niles

Miss Fine and Miss Babcock walking arm in arm. Isn't that one of the biblical signs of the apocalypse?
-Niles

Did Caca do a no-no in the kitchen?
-Niles

Good things come to those who wait, unless they wait too long and they slip through their namby-pamby fingers.
-Niles

Oh, what are you doing here, the sun is up.
-Niles

MISS FINE!
-Mr. Sheffield

Have you seen Gracie's Halloween costume? She looks a bit more like a trick than a treat.
-Max

Mr. Sheffield: I hope you don't mind me telling you one more time just how, how sexy you are.
Fran: Nope, still diggin' it.
-Mr. Sheffield, Fran

Mr. Sheffield: He can't make you happy.
Fran: I don't wanna be happy. I wanna be married!
-Mr. Sheffield, Fran

Mr. Sheffield: Can you keep a secret?
Niles: Well, I'm good until I meet the next person.
-Mr. Sheffield, Niles

Va: The bank robber took your mother.
Fran: Oh, my god! That poor man!
-Val, Fran

C.C.: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.
Niles: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.
-C.C., Niles

Fran: What's that?
Niles: It's a script for Mr. Sheffield.
Fran: You didn't write another Seinfeld episode did you? Sweetie... it's over.
-Fran, Niles

Mr. Sheffield: Miss Fine, what are you doing here?
Fran: Well, I heard moaning and screaming coming from your room and I figured... I should be part of it.
-Mr. Sheffield, Fran

Fran: You know, I've got half a mind...
Max: No argument there!
-Fran, Max

Fran: You shouldn't leave the house with things unresolved. That's why men die young.
Max: That's not why. Because they want to.
-Fran, Max

Maggie: Are there a lot of cute guys at your new apartment?
Fran: Oh, yeah, they're walking right out of the closets.
-Maggie, Fran

Fran: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment... at all?
C.C.: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.
-Fran, CC

C.C.: You are a pathetic excuse for a man.
Niles: Ditto!
-C.C., Niles

C.C.: Me and Max have rented a cottage right by the lake.
Niles: How convenient, Sir, should you choose to drown yourself.
-C.C., Niles

C.C.: Maxwell, I'm an important part of this team.
Niles: That's true sir, that couch would be floating all around if she weren't here to weigh it down.
-C.C., Niles

C.C.: I'll bet my reputation on it!
Niles: Sorry, there's a five dollar minimum.
-C.C., Niles

C.C.: Do you know what makes me feel better when I'm sad?
Fran: A fifth of scotch and a pack of batteries?
-C.C., Fran

C.C.: This isn't a typical night.
Niles: Yes, you're not home alone sitting on your foot massager watching "Sisters".
-C.C., Niles

Theme Song
She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens, 'til her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes. What was she to do? Where was she to go? She was out on her fanny. So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door. She was there to sell make-up, but the father saw more. She had style! She had flair! She was there. That's how she became the Nanny! Who would have guessed that the girl we've described, was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? Now the father finds her beguiling-watch out C.C.!-, and the kids are actually smiling-such joie de vivre!-. She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan. The flashy girl from Flushing, the nanny named Fran!