National Lampoon's Vacation Movie Quotes

National Lampoon's Vacation Movie Quotes

Oh Ellen, the old west was dirty. Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?
-Clark Griswold

I'm making out a check for $1000, all you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep the $700, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.
-Clark Griswold

Is this your idea of a good restaurant? Dog killer!
-AUnt Edna

It's too bad you're married... I'm in the mood for some fun!
-Ferrari Girl

Arabs, Arabs, are they Arabs? Give them whatever they want.
-Roy Walley

Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?
-Clark Griswold

If someone doesn't start explaining what's going on here…well, there's going to be some explaining to do!
-Roy Walley

I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.
-Cousin Eddie

Sorry, folks! We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!
-Moose at Wally World

Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.
-Guard at Wally World

Russ, please don't eat the Truckster.(kids playing pacman)
-Clark Griswold

Clark: Pardon me! I wonder if you can tell me how to get back on the express way?
Pimp: Fuck yo mama!
Clark: Thank you very much.
-Clark, Pimp

I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna's purse?
-Clark Griswold

Clark: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
Ellen: Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!
-Clark, Ellen

Ellen: I honestly don't think we're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
Clark: Jesus, it's only the biggest God-damn hole in the world.
Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
Clark: Make that the second biggest.
-Ellen, Clark, Edna

Ellen: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
Clark: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins it's okay by me. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.
-Ellen, Clark

Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.
-Clark Griswold

She breathed on me! A dead person breathed on me!
-Audrey Griswold

We watch his program. We buy his toys, we go to his movies, he owes us! Doesn't he owe us, ha? He owes the Griswalds right? Fucking-A right he owes us!
-Clark Griswold

Rusty: Is that a real gun, Mom?
Ellen: I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father may be going away for a little while.
-Rusty, Ellen

Clark: Ed, this is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with C.B. and optional rally fun pack.
Car Salesman: You didn't order the Metallic Pea?
-Clark, Salesman

Ahhh! I'd like to propose a toast, if I may? Here's to...a very restful vacation. Here's to...a very relaxing vacation. A renewed love affair. And...a time of joy with our babies.
-Clark Griswold

Lasky: Rusty, may I call you Rusty? I had a bad experience on this ride once.
Rusty: What happened?
Lasky: I threw up.
-Lasky, Rusty

Cousin Eddie: Hey Clark, you look like you could use a cold one
Clark: Now you're talking!
(hands him beer he is drinking, Eddie grabs new beer)
-Eddie, Clark

I think you're all fucked in the head! We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation, it's a quest. It's a quest for fun, I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun, we're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy; I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Oh, shit! [Rusty: Dad you want an aspirin or something? ,as Rusty touches Clark's shoulder] Clark: "Don't touch!"
-Clark Griswold

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