Role Models Movie Quotes

Me and the judge have a special relationship... I don't wanna get too graphic but I sucked his dick for drugs.
-Gayle

I'm not here to service you, I'm here to service these young boys.
-Gayle

You're standing over there, and you're standing over there, and I don't know which way is up!
-Gayle

Why don't you lay out two lines of your selfishness, which is your blow, draw the shades, take the phone off the hook, grab a straw, and snort!
-Gayle

You sexy like a chocolate strawberry.
-Wheeler

What I'm trying to say is that when I get out of prison, can I hang out with your ten-year-old son?
-Wheeler

This may be a stupid question. The Get Out of Jail Free Card: Is that real?
-Wheeler

(After Gayle shows them how to hug the kids)
Well, obviously we're not supposed to buttfuck these kids.
-Wheeler

Did you know that bald eagles are known to engage in a bizarre mating ritual where two eagles fly upwards, lock talons, and fall towards the earth while rotating, separating almost before they crash into the ground, if and only if they consummate their bird fuck. If they don't, they are willing to accept their death by hard ground. It's the ultimate race against the clock.
-Wheeler

I bet if I suggested a game of Quidditch he'd cum in his pants.
-Danny

It's not you, I hate having dinner with people.
-Danny

No, I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
-Danny

I'm in a rut, we're in a rut. Let's shake things up. I have an idea, let's get married! I don't have a ring...
-Danny

Oh yeah. Sometimes I call myself "The Booby Watcher". I even have my own comic book. "The Adventures of The Booby Watcher".
-Ronnie

Wheeler: I don't have crabs! What have you been telling these kids?
Ronnie: That you have crabs.
-Wheeler, Ronnie

Gayle: Watch your language, Ronnie.
Ronnie: My language is English and this mother fucker tried to grab my junk.
-Gayle, Ronnie

Gayle: Did Wheeler ever expose himself to you?
Ronnie: Hell, no!
-Gayle, Ronnie

Danny: God dammit Ronnie!
Ronnie: What? Because I'm black you think I did it?
Danny: No, because you did it is why I think you did it.
-Danny, Ronnie

Wheeler: What up, Ronnie?
Ronnie: I don't wanna take my pants off!
Wheeler: What?
-Wheeler, Ronnie

Ronnie: You're my PIC, Wheeler.
Wheeler: What's a PIC?
Ronnie: Partner in crime. You're my PIC. Just don't cock-block me tonight.
-Wheeler, Ronnie

Danny: Pick us up in two hours.
Ronnie: Fuck you, Miss Daisy.
-Danny, Ronnie

Gayle: Oh, and F.Y.I., you're playing on this girl's court now, okay? So you're playing by her rules.
Wheeler: Are you the coach?
Gayle: I am the coach. I'm the coach and I'm the point guard, I'm the two forwards, the center, and I'm the other guard. I'm the entire organization.
-Gayle, Wheeler

Gayle: I know why you are here, so don't BS a BSer, Ok? Your "Presence" here, court ordered.
Danny: Why did you put presence in quotes? Are you implying that we aren't here?
-Gayle, Danny

Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?
-Danny, Barista

Gayle Sweeny: You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine.
Wheeler: What did you have for dinner?
Danny: Was it cocaine?
-Gayle, Wheeler, Danny

Danny: Man, why do you bow for that guy?
Augie Farks: Because he's the king, and he rules the entire realm.
Danny: Oh he rules the entire realm? Oh my bad.
Danny: Is that when he is or isn't whacking it to The Sims?
-Danny, Augie

Danny: Where am I going to find a girl who hates all the same things I do?
Beth: You're so romantic.
Danny: Hey. Hey... You complete me... You had me at hello.
Beth: Oh, god. Danny you're not hearing what I'm saying to you.
Danny: I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy telling her that... to... love her.
Beth: You don't even know that one.
Danny: Hey, come on. Who are you going to call... Ghostbusters.
-Danny, Beth

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