Shrek Movie Quotes

Shrek Movie Quotes

That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.

"Shrek: Face it, Donkey. We're lost.
Donkey: We can't be lost. We followed the king's instructions to the letter. What did he say? Go to the deepest, darkest part of the forest.
Shrek: Aye.
Donkey: Go past the sinister-looking trees with the scary-looking branches.
Shrek: Uh-huh.
Donkey: And there's that bush that looks like Shirley Bassey.
Shrek: Donkey, we passed that bush three times already.
Donkey: Well, I wasn't the one who refused to stop for directions."
-Shrek, Donkey

"Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, Let's get some parfait, they say, Hell no, I don't like no parfait? Parfaits are delicious.
Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
-Donkey, Shrek

T'was the night before Christmas, not a swamprat did creep / As mom and the kids played kazoo in their sleep / The house was a sight that would make an ogre droop / For it was sickeningly sweet as unicorn poop / And who should arrive to help this lost cause? / The vile, the foul... and handsome Ogre Claus!

"Shrek: Listen, little donkey, take a look at me! What am I?
Donkey: Ah... really tall?
Shrek: No! I'm an OGRE! You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you?
Donkey: Nope.
Shrek: Really?
Donkey: Really, really.
Shrek: [taken aback] Oh.
Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?
Shrek: Er... Shrek."
-Donkey, Shrek

I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy!

Donkey, two things okay? Shut... up!

That's right, fool! Now I'm a FLYING talking donkey! You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly! Ha, ha!

And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases seepin' outta my butt that day!

Shrek: [to Donkey] WHY are you following me?
Donkey: Oh, I'll tell you why.
[starts to sing]
Donkey: 'Cause I'm all alone / There's no one here beside me / My problems have all gone / There's no one to deride me! / But ya gotta have friends...
Shrek: STOP SINGING! Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends!
Donkey: Wow! Only a TRUE friend would be that truly honest!
-Shrek, Donkey

We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!

Our first bachelorette is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot-tubbing any time. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Let's hear it for Cinderella! Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the Land of Fantasy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her frozen, dead lips and find out what a live wire she is. Give it up for Snow White! And last but not least is a fiery redhead who lives in a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by a boiling lake of lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piƱa coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona!
-Magic Mirror

[observing a giant building] That must be Lord Farquaad's castle... Do you think he's maybe compensating for something?

Clockwork Chorus: [the Information Center puppets begin singing] / Welcome to Duloc, such a perfect town / Here we have some rules, let us lay them down: / Don't make waves, stay in line / And we'll get along fine / Duloc is a perfect place
Clockwork Chorus: Please keep off of the grass / Shine your shoes, wipe your... FACE! / Duloc is, Duloc is / Duloc is a perfect... place!
-Clockwork Chorus

I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.

[to his knights] The winner of this tournament - no, no, the privilege - will have the honour of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon! Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his place, and so on and so forth... Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.
-Lord Farquaad

Thank you, thank you very much. I'm here 'til Thursday. Try the veal.

Okay, let me get this straight: you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad'll give you back your swamp, which you only don't have 'cause he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?

I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going... take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I'd step all over it...

Donkey: Hi, Princess!
Princess Fiona: It talks!
Shrek: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!
-Donkey, Princess, Shrek

All right, I hope you heard that? She called me a "noble steed." She thinks I'm a steed.

Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND!

Donkey: [staring at the priest] Oh, I think he already said it...
Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete!
-Donkey, Shrek

Wow, that was really scary. And if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work your breath will certainly get the job done, cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something cause your breath STINKS!

[last words]
Lord Farquaad: I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have...
[gets eaten by Dragon]
-LOrd Farquaad

I live in a swamp! I put up signs! I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?

Princess Fiona... she's perfect!
-Lord Farquaad

Fare thee well, ogre.
-Princess Fiona

Hey, that's my princess! Go find your own!

Princess Fiona: You're an ogre...
Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?
Princess Fiona: Well, yes, actually. Oh... this is wrong. This is all wrong! It's not supposed to be an ogre!
-Fiona, Shrek

This is the part where you run away.

Shrek: What're the flowers for?
Princess Fiona: Getting rid of Donkey.
-Shrek, Fiona
Donkey: So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?
Shrek: In the tower, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
-Donkey, Shrek

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