The Simpsons Quotes
I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress - Hmm, that gives me an idea note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.
whats the matter homer?
The police couldn't even catch cooties at Milhouse's birthday party!
I don't even have a last name. I'M JUST WILLIE! - Groundskeeper Willie
You've mastered a dead tounge. BUT CAN YOU HANDLE A LIVE ONE!?
Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky.
I taste FREEDOM!
Krusty: What would you do if I went off the air? Kids: We'd kill ourselves!
-Krusty and kids
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Nixon, Comet, Cupid, Donna Dixon.
The lamp's running away! Grandpa that's my dog.
-Grandpa & Bart
Hey, you're right! It doesnt hurt any more. Now I can focus of my crippling emotional pain..... Dad, Daddy, why? Why wont you hug me? You hugged the mailman.
the doctor says it wouldn't bleed so much if I kept my finger outta there!
I bent my wookie!
I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
I ate-d the purple barries!
I cannot promise i'll try, but i'll try to try
God Schmod, i want my Monkey man.
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to 'speed' around a city, keeping its 'speed' over fifty, and if its 'speed' dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
Pain was like a drug, but what was more like a drug were the drugs.
Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You strap yourself in and feel the G's!!
This is the biggest frameup since OJ. Wait a minute...the blood in the Bronco, the cuts on his hands, those Jay Leno monolouges?! Oh my god he did it!!!
The restraining order says "no no", but her eyes say "yes yes"
-Comic Book Guy
Hi, I'm Dr. Cheeks. I was doin my rounds and uh, I'm a little behind.
Now, throughout history, when people get wood, they'll think of Trojans.
Le Grille?!! What the hell is that??!
I wanna set the record straight...I thought the cop was a prostitute.
*Gasps* Computers can do that?!?
I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals... fLAMing!!
No one's gay for Moleman.
eat my shorts!!
my cat's breath smells like cat food
Mmm...64 slices of American Cheese!
Surely there's no harm lying in the middle of a public street.
I WANT MY ELEPHANT!! I WANT MY ELEPHANT!!
English? pfff, who needs that? i'm not going to England
Me? Fail English? That's Un-possible!
At my house we call fires 'uh-ohs'.
Ralphie: Eww...daddy! It tastes like Grandma!
Wiggum: Hey, you're right. It does taste like Grandma!
Ralphie: I want more!
-Ralphie and Officer Wiggum
oh boy trash cookies, uh oh I think I ate a dog food lid
Why you little.....
Hi I'm Troy McLure. You may remember me from such educational films as Lead Paint: Delicious but Deadly and 3x2= -Fun.
Trying is the first step towards failure.
I didn't do it
Duffman can never die! Only the actors who play him
Stupid best friend Flanders....
Alchol is a way of life! Alchol is my way of life and I plan on keeping it!!
Oh ya drugs...you gotta have drugs.....
Well, I paid for this ticket, that means I'm going.(climbs out window,then returns) I love you Krusty-wusty.(kisses doll)
Are You kidding? I can pull a better cartoon outta my aaaa..hey hey kids! Wasn't that a great cartoon?
-Krusty the Clown
WE HAVE A KITCHEN?!
Ah, my heart just stopped...Oh, there it goes.
(reading Lisa's Valentine card) 'You Choo-Choo-Choose me?'
The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into a football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.
Uh, Homer Sexual? C'mon, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual! Heh heh, don't look at me!
-Moe and Homer
Eat My Shorts!
Here comes Screwy, the mechanical rabbit.
Awwwwwwwwww twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut! Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Explain how! Money can be used to buy goods and services! Whoo hooo!
Being eaten by a crocodile is like falling asleep...in a giant blender.
When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!
Ruff, ruff! I'm Poochie the rockin' dog!
Pick me, pick me teacher. I'm ever-so smart!
I've been singing you songs all day. I'm not a bloody jukebox.
Mmm...Chocolate, ooh...double chocolate, (gasp) new flavor...TRIPLE chocolate!!!!!
The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there!
Willy: It brings us love KILL IT, BREAK ITS LEGS!! Smithers: Noo it's Mr.Burns! Willy: Awww, its Mr. Burns.. KILL IT KILL IT!!
-Grounds Keeper Willy and Smithers
Family Guy Saved By the Bell Fresh Prince
I must save the wee turtles! If I dont' save the wee turtles who will!? AHH SAVE ME FROM THE WEE TURTLES! They were too quick for me!
-Grounds Keeper Willy
GRREASE ME UP WOMAN! ...ookie dokie.
-Grounds Keeper Willy & Lunch Lady Dorris
homer: hey moe I have this friend named joey joe joe shabado
moe: that is the worst name ever
(man runs away)
barney: hey joey joe joe!!
-homer,moe, man, barney
I got some cool pogs, alf pogs, remember alf he's back in pog form
-milhouse van houten
(Squirts ketchup in a bullseye on bare chest)
Homer: Here, shirty shirt shirt.
thank you.come again.
Take that, you lousy dimension!
mmmm... crayon tastes like purple
Every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my head!
Okay brain, you dont like me and i dont like you
"I call the big one bitey"
"HEY!!!! This bandstand wasn't double bolted!"
Don't have a cow, man!
If only they had peewee hockey when I was a lad.
I-i have to do this for work.
I think i wet my bed!
"They taste like... burning!".
Well, class, the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test. America was now discovered in 1942 by... ''some guy.'' And our country isn't called America anymore... it's Bonerland.
The world needs a clown.
Look what you've done, you flying fat man!
Why do people run away from me? (wets pants)
You're not sharks, you're dolphins, the clowns of the sea
stupid tv! be more funny!
Marge: Now Homer don't you eat this pie! Homer: ok pie im just going to do this (chomping sound) and if you get eaten it's your own fault (walks forward with eyes closed making the chomping sound.........hits the wall) ooooooo crap it hurts oooooooo!!!!
-Homer and Marge
Baby made a boom-boom
Bart's teacher's name is Krabappel? I've been calling her Crandall!
Rod Flanders: I'm jealous of girls 'cause they get to wear dresses.
Lisa: That's Latin, Dad; the language of Plutarch. Homer: Mickey Mouse's dog
Ralph: Daddy, these rubber pants are hot. Chief Wiggum: You'll wear 'em till you learn, son.
-Ralph Chief Wiggum
Hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt, and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt.
Mmm...Crumbled-up cookie things.
Dad, can I anoint the sores on his feet?
Now bring us some extra chairs like a good blubber-in-law.
Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.
If you think I'm cuddly, And you want my company, Come on wifey, let me know. Ugh ugh ugh.
Ay ay ay. Me no gusta.
Robot Animals: (singing) You're the birthday, you're the birthday, you're the birthday boy or girl.
Uh oh, we've drawn Judge Synder again! Is that a bad thing? Well, he's had it in for me since I've ran over his dog. You did? Well, replace the kind of with the word repeatedly and the word dog with son.
-Lionel (the attorney man) & Marge
Mmmmm..... Corn Starch......
Because no one ever suspects the Butterfly.
Moe: it can deep fry a buffalo in 40 seconds. homer: *sigh* but I want it now
-homer & moe
Le grille? What the hell is that?
eww...daddy, this tastes like grandma!
(looking into mirror) Mirror mirror on the wall who's the baldest of them all...?
Bonjourrrrrrrr, yeh cheese-eating surrender monkeys!
-Groundskeeper Willy teaches French
I can't drive 55...I can only drive 38.
-Comic Book Guy
Hey, Marge, look! A walk-in microwave!
Hey! Phone call for Al C'hol!
Bart:Can I bring my lazer pointer?
Homer: Why do I care?
-Bart and Homer
Homer:Now I think you owe me half a sandwhich
*Marge takes out sandwhich*
Marge:I always keep one near the bedside for you.
-Homer and Marge
Bart: bla bla bla bla bla sit. santa's little helper: (sits)
-bart and santa's little helper
*choking bart* YOU WRECKED MY LIFE!
*running to a cliff nude* I can fly! I can fly! OK, I can't fly. But I can glide! *jumps off cliff*
*yelling*Why did you buy the first hover car ever made?
What are you going to do? Release the dogs? or the bees? or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
OOH!! they have the internet on COMPUTERS now!!!
Uh-oh. I don't understand a word he's saying! I wish I was at home watching tv with a bag of chips.Mmm...chips...
Uh oh, I think I might have brained my damage
Bart no like, bad medicine
Lisa crying: I'm a monster Homer: No the only monster here, and I call him gamblor. Come we must save her from his neon clutches
-Lisa and homer
Bart I don't want to alarm you, but there is a possiabilty that the boogyman or boogymen my be in the house
I am evil Homer. I am evil Homer. I am evil Homer. I am evil Homer.
Kids,you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The leson here is, never try.
Urge to kill... rising.
NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE HOMER GO CRAZY!!!!
Satin:Oh, hey Bart
-Satin and Bart
Grandpa:Hi David im Grandpa!
-Homer and Grandpa
Homer: DAAAAAAAAAAVID LETTERMEN!
-Homer and Grandpa
Bart:Mom is dad gonna kill us?
Marge: we'll just have to wait and see.
-Marge and Bart
Homer:No TV and no beer make Homer go something...something
Homer:DONT MIND IF I DO!!!!!!!!!
-Homer and Marge
Bernie: Duh Homer why are we down here? Homer: Oh I already told you Bernie to guard the bee. Co worker: But why? Homer oh you guys are pathedic no wonder Smithers made me head bee guy. (Jar breaks). Bernie: Duh its getting away. Co worker: We did bad.
-Homer, Bernie and co worker
Uh, hello, uh, Mrs. Bart. Is your pool ready yet?
WOO HOO! I'M A COLLEGE MAN! I WON'T BE NEEDING MY DIPLOMA ANYMORE!
Hey, horseface! Get your ugly pie hooks off that Summer Fun set!!!!!!!!!!!
He's going to kill Rod and Todd, too! That's horrible...in principle.
Losers! Losers! Kiss my big Springfield behind, Shelbyville!
Ralph to wolf:Will you be my mommy?
The wolf leaves carrying Ralph in its mouth.
Ralph: You smell like dead bunnies!
Dear God, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks, and 'Sweatin' To the Oldies' volumes 1, 2 and 4.
Milhouse: (after he sniffed the comic book) It smells like my Grandpa.
Las vegas girl " i need to take a shower where are the wet ones?"
Flanders " oh we have real bathrooms here"
-Hooker and flanders
(Singing) I am so smart, I am so smart! S M R T! I mean, S M A R T!
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