Step Brothers Movie Quotes
Martha Stewart, Oprah, your wife. You gotta f**k one, kill one, and marry one, who do you pick?
[after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. I mean, it's like Fergie meets Jesus.
He better not get in my face, 'cause I'll drop that motherf**ker!
I tea-bagged your drum set!
Shut your mouth. Sh-sh-shut your mouth.
[in his therapist's fantasy] I've come five hundred miles to deliver my seed.
Brennan has a man-gina!
What the fucking fuck?
Brennan Huff: Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?
Brennan Huff: If you lick my butt hole.
Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.
Brennan Huff: You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!
Eat shit, Derek.
Hey Derek, sprechen sie dick?
My dad and I decided that Nancy's kind of hot, so maybe we should just both bang her and in the meantime deal with the retard.
Derek: I am the VP of the biggest executive helicopter leasing company on the western seaboard. I haven't had a carb since 2004. Check these out.
[Points to ab muscles]
Derek: See these? See these boys? This is what I live with, every day. I lather this up with Kiehls in the shower. You want to touch this shit?
Dale Doback: No.
Derek: You want to touch these bad boys? Sorry, not gonna happen.
Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes " Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and grabs me by the weiner.
I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!
You are making an ass out of yourself, you geriatric f**k!
Derek: So, what do we do now?
Brennan Huff: We could hug?
Derek: Yeah, you'd like that, you faggot!... I'm sorry, I'm new to this.
Dale Doback: Why are you so sweaty?
Brennan Huff: I was watching Cops.
Brennan Huff: This house is a f**king prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bulls**t!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!
I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the s**t out of you!
[as they are called back into the office for their first interview] We're here to f**k s**t up!
I'm so scared right now. I'm just gonna to do what's sensible, I'm gonna file for unemployment. Then I'm gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they... *they* give *you* the tools to be your own boss.
You better not close your eyes because as soon as you do I'm gonna punch you in the face!
Derek: So what do we do now?
Brennan Huff: We can hug?
Derek: Yeah you'd like that ya faggot!.... I'm sorry, I'm new to this.
Dale Doback: Can we turn our beds into bunkbeds?
Brennan Huff: It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!
Dr. Robert Doback: Your adults, you can do what you want.
-Dale, Brennan, Robert
Derek: I have to sell or lease at last 80 helicopters to make my nut. And you... You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.
Randy: Like Kobayashi.
Randy: [makes eating noise]
Derek: I've seen him do it.
Brennan Huff: You've actually seen him eating a man's penis?
Derek: It was in international waters, so they couldn't prosecute him. But I saw it.
Dale Doback: What is your problem, man?
Derek: My problem? I don't know. I don't have a problem, uh, Dale. In fact, I have the opposite of a problem. I made over 550K last year. How much did you make?
Dale Doback: It's not about money.
Derek: It's not about money? Well, for me, it's a little about money, and I made *that* much money last year.
Randy: [to Brennan] I don't know what it is about your face,
[holds up fist]
Randy: but I just wanna deliver one of these right in your suck hole.
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