Step Brothers Movie Quotes

Step Brothers Movie Quotes

Martha Stewart, Oprah, your wife. You gotta f**k one, kill one, and marry one, who do you pick?

[after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. I mean, it's like Fergie meets Jesus.

He better not get in my face, 'cause I'll drop that motherf**ker!

I tea-bagged your drum set!

Shut your mouth. Sh-sh-shut your mouth.

[in his therapist's fantasy] I've come five hundred miles to deliver my seed.

Brennan has a man-gina!

What the fucking fuck?

Brennan Huff: Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?
Derek: What?
Brennan Huff: If you lick my butt hole.
-Brennan, Derek

Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.
Brennan Huff: You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!
-Dale, Brennan

Eat shit, Derek.

Hey Derek, sprechen sie dick?

My dad and I decided that Nancy's kind of hot, so maybe we should just both bang her and in the meantime deal with the retard.

Derek: I am the VP of the biggest executive helicopter leasing company on the western seaboard. I haven't had a carb since 2004. Check these out.
[Points to ab muscles]
Derek: See these? See these boys? This is what I live with, every day. I lather this up with Kiehls in the shower. You want to touch this shit?
Dale Doback: No.
Derek: You want to touch these bad boys? Sorry, not gonna happen.
-Derek, Dale

Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes " Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and grabs me by the weiner.

I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!

You are making an ass out of yourself, you geriatric f**k!

Derek: So, what do we do now?
Brennan Huff: We could hug?
Derek: Yeah, you'd like that, you faggot!... I'm sorry, I'm new to this.
-Derek, Brennan

Dale Doback: Why are you so sweaty?
Brennan Huff: I was watching Cops.
-Dale, Brennan

Brennan Huff: This house is a f**king prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bulls**t!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!
-Brennan, Dale

I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the s**t out of you!

[as they are called back into the office for their first interview] We're here to f**k s**t up!

I'm so scared right now. I'm just gonna to do what's sensible, I'm gonna file for unemployment. Then I'm gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they... *they* give *you* the tools to be your own boss.

You better not close your eyes because as soon as you do I'm gonna punch you in the face!

Derek: So what do we do now?
Brennan Huff: We can hug?
Derek: Yeah you'd like that ya faggot!.... I'm sorry, I'm new to this.
-Derek, Brennan

Dale Doback: Can we turn our beds into bunkbeds?
Brennan Huff: It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!
Dr. Robert Doback: Your adults, you can do what you want.
-Dale, Brennan, Robert

Derek: I have to sell or lease at last 80 helicopters to make my nut. And you... You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.
Randy: Like Kobayashi.
Randy: [makes eating noise]
Derek: I've seen him do it.
Brennan Huff: You've actually seen him eating a man's penis?
Derek: It was in international waters, so they couldn't prosecute him. But I saw it.
-Derek, Randy

Dale Doback: What is your problem, man?
Derek: My problem? I don't know. I don't have a problem, uh, Dale. In fact, I have the opposite of a problem. I made over 550K last year. How much did you make?
Dale Doback: It's not about money.
Derek: It's not about money? Well, for me, it's a little about money, and I made *that* much money last year.
-Dale, Derek

Randy: [to Brennan] I don't know what it is about your face,
[holds up fist]
Randy: but I just wanna deliver one of these right in your suck hole.


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