Uncle Buck Movie Quotes

Hey, Mom. Next time you take off in the middle of the night, why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house?
-Tia

If my whole family moved away from me, I'd have a heart attack too.
-Tia

We need boys so they can grow up, get married and turn into shadows.
-Tia

Have a bad day today? It hurts when someone screws with your life, doesn't it?
-Tia

Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. Dahlgren is my maiden name, Frost is my married name. I'm single again, but I never bothered to remove the Frost. And I get compliments on the hyphen.
-Marcie Dahlgren-Frost

You always kick me around, I'm an American and I have rights.
-Miles

Ouch, Your nails are digging into my arm god damn it.
-Miles

Holy smokes! He's cooking our garbage!
-Miles

You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door!
-Buck

How would you like to spend the next several nights wondering if your crazy, out-of-work, bum uncle will shave your head while you sleep? See you in the car.
-Buck

Hey, Bobby we should really get together sometime. I haven't been over at the new house since you moved. By the way, I want to apologize for last year at your old house... about those bushes. I had no idea they all would catch on fire like that. You were right. I should never have put the barbeque grill that close.
-Buck

Isn't that something? I'm on to cigars now. I'm on to a five-year plan. I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then I go to pipes, then I go to chewing tobacco, then I'm on to that nicotine gum.
-Buck

Oh boy, those kids. I haven't seen those kids in a while. Tia's gotta be nine. Nine, maybe ten. Oh boy. And the two new ones. They're uh... Larry and... uh... Larry and, uh... Uh... Betsy. Betsy, uh... Jennifer. Jennifer. Larry and Jennifer. Oh boy.
-Buck

Hey, nice music! Who is that, the Grass Roots? Just kidding, I know my music!
-Buck

Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say the God damndest things.
-Buck

I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, and I'm coming looking for you! Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.
-Buck about Anitas mole

Do I have to talk dirty to you? Come on! Open up for daddy! I'm gonna shove a load into you! Here we go! Come on, it's nice and easy. Aaah! Come on, here we go! Ah! Take that! Take that! Come on! You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! OPEN UP! UUGGHH! I'm gonna shove my load into you whether you like it or not!
-Buck about the washing machine

Bug: Ever hear of a tune-up? Hee hee hee hee hee.
Buck: [Mockingly] Ah-hee-hee-hee! Ever hear of a ritual killing? Ah-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
-Bug, Buck

Maizy: They have rent-a-shoes!
Tia: And rent-a-foot disease!
-Maizy Tia

Buck: Do you think she hates me?
Maizy: With a passion.
-Buck, Maizy

Tia: Are you crazy?
Buck: I can be.
Tia: You could have taken his head off!
Buck: Yeah, but would he notice?
-Tia, Buck

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