Van Wilder Movie Quotes

Van Wilder Movie Quotes

I didn't realize that I was nothing more to you than some flacid story.
-Van Wilder

If he's here, who's running Hell?
-Van Wilder

I'm sorry, fellas. The bakery's closed.
-Van Wilder

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.
-Van Wilder

We'll be accepting donations in the form of cash, visa, and full frontal nudity.
-Van Wilder

Are you stalking me? Cause that would be super.
-Van Wilder

Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks.
-Van Wilder

Don't be a fool, stay in school.
-Van Wilder

I learned a long time ago you can't treat every situation like it's life and death. Cause you'll die a lot of times.
-Van Wilder

Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.
-Van Wilder

Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy.
-Van Wilder

Hey look. I read the damn article all right. But don't tell anyone because if word gets out that I read my reputation shot to hell.
-Van Wilder

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
-Van Wilder

I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.
-Van Wilder

Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!
-Van Wilder

I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongatas.
-Van Wilder

Dinner for two. Me and you. Clothing optional.
-Van Wilder

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.
-Van Wilder

I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake!
-Van Wilder

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.
-Van Wilder

Van Wilder Movie

You have wasted enough of your time and my money. So pack up your panties, son, because we are heading home.
-Vance Wilder Sr.

Excuse me? Can you tell me where I might find the 'Radest fucking dude alive'?
-Vance Wilder Sr.

It was the greatest ten seconds. Ever.
-Jeannie

This is some pad Wilder... Decorated in early fuck!
-McDoogle

I see a rabbi. And he's performing a circumcision...on himself though.
-Applicant

You... you.... you.... you pussy ass mother fucker dick sucker!
-Taj

You have shown me a live I could only dream about back home while masturbating in my father's woodshed.
-Taj

We are truly up the Ganga river without a bamboo oar.
-Taj

Is that all you people think about? Now, I admit I applied for this job because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rump, but I do not believe that this dilemma can be solved by partying.
-Taj

You do not call her that, Gonad!
-Richard

Vance Wilder Sr.: Van is still in school?
Assistant: For the better part of a decade.
-Sr., Assistant

Van: Now, repeat after me. No cock pump.
Taj Mahal: No cock pump.
-Van, Taj

Follow Funny Quotes Today on Facebook and Twitter for the Quote of the day.