You kiss your mother with that mouth?
-Wayne
"Dick Sargent...Dick York...'Sergeant York'".
-Wayne
"Sometimes I wish I could boldly go where no man has gone before, but I'll probably stay in Aurora."
-Garth
WAYNE'S WORLD! WAYNE'S WORLD! PARTY TIME, EXCELLENT! WOOOOO!
-Wayne and Garth
Ribbed for her pleasure....ewwwww
-Garth
If it's a severed head, I will be very upset...
-Wayne
I'd like the cream of sum-young-guy.
-Wayne
ExSqueeze me? A baking powder?
-Wayne
We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
-Wayne and Garth
A gun rack? What am I going to do with a gun rack? I don't even own a gun, let alone enough guns to necessitate a whole gun rack?
-Wayne
I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be.
-Wayne
Schwing!!!!!
-Wayne and Garth
Garth "Party on Wayne"..........Wayne "Party on Garth"
-Wayne & Garth
Hi. Doesn't it seem weird? I mean, why does this guy have contracts? You ever see the Twilight Zone episode where the guy signed a contract, and they cut out his tounge, and it wouldn't die? It just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tounges?
-Garth
Excuse me...I'd like to get by now.
-Garth
(Holds up a box of condoms) "ribbed for her pleasure...ewwww!"
-Garth
I don't really have too much to say right now. What's that?
-Garth
Garth: I think we should go now. (Handed inspection card) Cool!
Wayne: (Grabbing card) Cool!
-Garth and Wayne
LIVE IN THE NOW!!!!
-Garth
And I would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you snoopin' kids!
-Old Man Withers
Yeah, and if a frog had wings it wouldn't bump its ass when it hopped.
-Cassandra
You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.
-Stacy (Wayne's ex-girlfriend)
[wearing Reebok wardrobe] It's like people only do these things because they can get paid. And that's just really sad.
-Garth
She will be mine. Oh, yes - she will be mine.
-Wayne
Yeah I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.
-Glen
Oh, actually all champagne is French, it's named after the region. Otherwise it's sparkling white wine. Americans of course don't recognize the convention, so it becomes that thing of calling all of their sparkling white "champagne", even though by d
-Benjamin
Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.
-Garth
[holding a Pizza Hut box] Well that's where I see things just a little differently. Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor.
-Wayne
If she were president she would be Babe-raham Lincoln!
-garth
a gun rack.......you bought me a gun rack.
-wanne to stacey
I always knew you were small time.
-Benjamin Kane
did you ever find bugs bunny attractive when he dressed up like a girl bunny?
-garth
No Stairway?
Denied!
-wayne campbell
Car!
[Car drives by.]
Game on!
-Wayne
My name is Wayne Campbell. I live in Aurora Illinois, which is a suburb of Chicago..Excellent. Ok, I still live with my parents. Which I admit, is both bogus and sad, but I still know how to party... I've a lot of joe jobs, nothing I'd call a career.
-Wayne
And they got a pool table too.
-Garth
Shyeah, right. And monkeys might fly out of our butts.
-Wayne
T-1000: "Have you seen this boy?". Wayne: "AAAHHH!"
-T-1000/Wayne
I have an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets.
-Wayne
yes and it's the choice of a new generation
(holding up soda can)
-Wayne
Hey there Mr. Donut-head-man... look who'se comin' ta kill ya! I dunno, but ya better not...
-Garth
Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries...
-Wayne
If your gonna spew, spew into this.
-Garth
"does this guy know how to party or what!!"
- wayne about alice cooper
(Referring to Garth's on-air breakdown) Did you see that scene in Scanners when that dude's head blew up?
-TV Controller
SHWING!!!!
-Wayne, Garth
(To a man in a limo next to the Mirth Mobile) "Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon?"
-Wayne
"Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick".
-Garth
Ah-ha! What's this? "How to pick up chicks." "How to meet women." He's smooth.
-Garth
(To Garth) "Okay, how about F? You're a gimp?"
-Wayne
(Finishing his rant) "...'Til the handle breaks off and you have to get a doctor to pull it out again".
-Garth
Follow Funny Quotes Today on Facebook and Twitter for the Quote of the day.