Will and Grace Quotes

Will and Grace Quotes

Thank you, Homo-wan Kenobi.
-Will

Jack, I'm asking you to be my kid's godfather. Or rather, his fairy godfather
-Will

C-3PO wasn't gay, he was British.
-Will

She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there's a crazy underground garage.
-Will

Grace, go to bed. You obviously have had a very busy day of crazy.
-Will

And they say Tinky Winky was the only gay Teletubbie.
-Will

Oh my God, it's finally happened. You've gotten so gay that you looped around to straight again.
-Will

Jack, if I'm supposed to stay away from every guy you've ever slept with, that would leave me with... women.
-Will

Of course I understand the gravity of the situation, otherwise, could my pants do this?
-Will

Karen, I am a lawyer, which means, unlike you, I actually passed a bar.
-Will

You don't take relationship advice from Karen. You get advice on, I don't know, what wine goes with mood stabilizers.
-Will

You say potato, I say Vodka.
-Karen

Oh Lord, honey, you are just as simple as that blouse you're wearin'.
-Karen

Gosh, I just love gambling here in Vegas. Sure, I may lose $100,000 but the drinks are free so it evens out!
-Karen

What are the holidays coming to when you can't bribe a friend to help a friend that screwed that friend over?
-Karen

Wow that may have been the greatest day of my life. I love errands. They're like mini-adventures for undesirables.
-Karen

You dragged me down to this God-forsaken place to tell me my kids made the Honor Roll? Honey, my time is precious, call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!
-Karen

OK, rule number one. Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips
-Karen

Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?
-Karen

I smell liquor on my breath. You're drunk!
-Karen

Looks like your new sweetie's turned his back on homosexuals. And not in a good way.
-Karen

She's gone to Mexico for face-lifts so many times, I'll bet if you whacked her head with a stick, prizes would fall out.
-Karen

Oh Minnie Driver, who ever told you, you could pull off a leather jumpsuit?
-Karen

Honey, I'm too tired to slap you. Bash your face up against my palm.
-Karen

Honey gays love presents. Stick something shiny under their faces and their yours. It's how we won New York back from the Gay Indians...
-Karen

No one in the world would believe you're straight. You're as gay as a clutchpurse on Tony night. You fell outta the gay tree, hitting every gay branch on the way down. And ya landed on a gay guy... and ya did 'em. No, no, honey, your gayness can be seen from space.
-Karen

By your inflection I can tell that you think what you're saying is funny, but... No.
-Karen

It's a victimless crime, like tax evasion or public indecency.
-Karen

I just gave a quarter to a homeless guy, I think it was Johnny Depp.
-Grace

Oh my god. Jack got turned on by a woman? Well, he couldn't be straight, so, what, now he's a lesbian?
-Grace

Oh my god, I turned another one.
-Grace

This was my puppy, BoBo. He got run over by a truck. Lucky bastard.
-Grace

Today I'm handing out lollipops and ass-whoopins and right now, I'm all out of lollipops.
-Grace

Gay sex is SO hot!
-Grace

Put the catalog down... you have everything in it.
-Grace

Heterosexual marriage is just wrong. I mean, if God had meant men and women to be together, he would have given them both penises.
-Jack

I cost a little more but I'm worth it.
-Jack

There are no straight men. Only men who haven't met Jack.
-Jack

Heard that. I am metaphorically curled up in the fetal position and you continue to kick me about the ear, nose, and throat?
-Jack

Say something Lesbiotic!
-Jack

Kiss it, kiss it, spank it.
-Jack

But there's always a lot of rich, old gay guys at those things looking for younger gay guys to take care of. You know, the way Dick Cheney takes care of George Bush.
-Jack

Language was only needed when unattractive people were born so they could be commented on.
-Jack

Lesson for today: Though the eyes are the window to the soul, the zipper is the window to the underwear.
-Jack

My God. If my closet were like this I never would have come out of it!
-Jack

Up yours, Count Drunkula.
-Rosario

Will, I want you to know that I'm going to do everything I can to make Grace as happy as you have... well, plus sex.
-Leo

Will: Got a hot date?
Jack: No, but the guy who's dating me does.
-Will, Jack

Grace: I see the way you look at me when I shave my legs.
Will: Well, that's because it happens so infrequently, I have to take a minute to figure out what you're doing.
-Will, Grace

Jack: This is bigger than the moon landing.
Will: One giant leap for man-on-man kind.
-Will, Jack

Karen: Come on Grace, why can't we have an office christmas party?
Grace: Last year's was a disaster. You got drunk, told me you loved me and then kissed me in the service elevator.
-Karen, Grace

Will: Where's all the Chinese food?
Grace: Oh, I opened it up and started to eat it and then I noticed a hair in it. So I called the restaurant to complain and they were like "Well, how do you know its not your hair?" and I said "Well, I know what my hair tastes like." Anyway, I got so disgusted, I threw it all out.
Will: You ate all of it, didn't you?
Grace: Yes, I did.
-Will, Grace

Karen: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm devastated, too.
Jack: Mmm, it does, thanks.
-Karen, Jack

Grace: Are you wearing smarty-pants, because that was a great idea!
Jack: Well, no, but I might be wearing a witty thong!
-Grace, Jack

Jack: Oh Karen, you'd do that for me? You'd invite my family into your own home?
Karen: Oh poodle when you put it like that... No.
-Karen, Jack

Karen: Ugh. The subway was disgusting.
Jack: Karen, we took your limo.
Karen: Oh. I've got to stop drinking those Big Gulps.
-Karen, Jack

Karen: Where the hell have you been?
Rosario: Riding a llama in Neverland. Where do you think? I was cleaning.
-Karen, Rosario

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