I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
-Derek Zoolander
Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.
-Derek Zoolander
Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us.
-Derek Zoolander
Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
-Derek Zoolander
Seriously, do you like service yourself ten times a day?
-Derek Zoolander
Oh, Snap!
-Derek Zoolander
It's a walk-off!
-Billy Zane
I friggin' worship you, man.
-Hansel
Taste my pain, bitch!
-Hansel
So join now, 'cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than just being really, really, really good looking. Right kids?
-Derek Zoolander
Trippin' on acid changed our whole perspective on shit!
-Hansel
Now, this'll be a straight walk-off, old school rules. First model walks; second model duplicates, then elaborates. Okay, boys - let's go to work!
-David Bowie
You're dead to me, son. You're even more dead to me than your dead mother.
-Larry Zoolander
[to Derek] He had to pull his underwear out of his butt to beat you!
-Matilda
Now if you'll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend.
-Derek Zoolander
Maury Ballstein: The designer's got your nuts in a vice! He's offering you three percent for every pair of underwear sold! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!
Kids: Screw Him! Hold out for more!
You want an opinion? With a push-up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb up there.
-Maury Ballstein
By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale!
-Matilda
.for the past four years, male modeling has had a shadow cast over it by one man and five syllables: Der-ek Zoo-land-er.
-Announcer
I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me." And it hurt.
-Hansel
I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.
-Maury Ballstein
Anchorman Tropic Thunder
Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.
-Maury Ballstein
What's the dealio, yo?
-Hansel
Do as you are trained... AND KILL THE MALAYSIAN PRIME MINISTER!
-Mugatu
You is talking loco and I like it!
-Hansel
They're break-dance fighting.
-Mugato
Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!
-Mugato
Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.
-Mugato
Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.
-Larry Zoolander
Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew!
Derek Zoolander: Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career."
Matilda: Do what for a career?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.
Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?
Pretty soon, they'll be reading *our* eugoogaly!
-Derek Zoolander
I'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.
-Derek Zoolander
Put a cork in it, Zane!
-Derek Zoolander
There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".
-Derek Zoolander
VH1 Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel?
Derek Zoolander: Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.
Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?
-Derek Zoolander
Hansel: I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.
Derek Zoolander: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.
How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?
-Derek Zoolander
You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite... you aren't.
-Derek Zoolander
I'm a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys... we're a different breed.
-J.P. Prewitt
I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!
-Katinka
I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense, not one little bit.
-Katinka
Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?
-Mugatu
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